Friday, 1 July 2016

Conspiracy

I often understand how the system conspires against me. It's either the children or the students or the parents or the friends.

Often i have to park at the visitors parking because someone decided to park at my spot.

My things always go walking as everyone can take what they want as long as I'm informed when I'm looking for them.

Just when i feel I'm done after crawling around the entire day, on one of the messiest roads in town, something else crops up.

Yet one previous experience has taught me a valuable lesson. Cars are just metal, glass and rubber. Any material object can be replaced.

Only human life is irreplaceable. So, I'm not usually selfishly clinging to any materialism. I try my best to protect, cherish and manage these humans around me.

I've given up on many things. I gave up my only happiness. The world might be at my feet but nothing can compensate my loss.

Life will never be complete ever no matter how much gold i have, how many cars i have or how much money i have.

I work many hours every day.

I give and continue giving.

Yet nature is not happy. It keeps sending disturbing troubles towards me.  There is no perfect outcome. No reason to heave a complete sigh of relief.

I know the outcome. Renunciation.

But I'm tangled in my own web. Self spun invisible web.

Breaking free is the challenge.

As long as there is one person out here who says 'I need you, miss', I'd know that the time has not come for me to renounce anything.

If i break a single heart while in pursuit of my dream i know I'd have no peace to find peace.

So, I justified myself with the words, 'the time is near but it has not come'.

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