You are deep in thought.
Yup. I am with my thoughts. They are my best friend and the worst enemy!
Tell me what you are thinking please. Your thoughts often give me answers. When i advise you i get some consolation myself.
Well, I was measuring the heights of my pain. I asked myself if i have recorded the highest height of my misery.
Have you now? How did you identify the level of misery within you?
I measure pain. I have seen some grief. Due to some death. It was big.
Then you have seen other kinds of pain too?
Hmmm. Yes. Betrayal, neglect. They're bigger pain.
How do you say that?
The hurt is bigger. It hurts more.
I've never weighed issues in this manner. This is an amazing concept. You say betrayal and neglect. How do you differenciate the two?
Betrayal is when promises are broken. Neglect is when you're treated like you don't exist. These two gives the bigger pain.
You said big and bigger. Is there a biggest hurt then?
Oh! Yes.
And that will be?
Seeing people who are more hurt than me. That gives me the biggest pain. I get the need that i should make them better.
An empath?
Perhaps. I'm not sure. But i feel better once i see changes in them. When their lives improve. But..
But?
They leave. Without asking me whether I'm ready to let them go.
Why do they leave?
They find better pastures. They decide it's time. They don't ask my opinion nor preference. They just go. Without a proper goodbye.
That makes you angry?
No. Just hurt. Then after awhile i become stronger than before. At the precipice, something happens. When i think all is lost, I change. Along comes another realisation. I am good. Those who left are not meant to be with me. It's actually their loss.
Is this an egotistical claim? You're great and people who decide not to linger are losers?
Not from that point of view. I just feel i could have done more. Made their lives perfect.
Perfection cannot be seen from your individual belief. Everyone has personal needs. Life is about searching for a particular fulfilment. Till that's done, the search continues.
Perhaps.
Please remember whatever that you do for others would be accounted for somewhere, somehow. Let's just think nature merits you in someway. You should never attach yourself too much to anything or anyone in particular.
I needed them as much as they needed me. I feel used. Lost and alone.
I guess that's why you wear all these beads in your neck? Big, small, brown and black?
Yes. The rudraksham gives me confidence. I feel strong. I was lucky. I even got the single faced rudraksham.
Rudraksham is fine. It gives good health, spiritual enrichment. But grappling onto it in desperation is not what it is all about. Your strength is within you. You, yourself, are your own rudraksham. You can give it any number of faces you want.
That's why you are bare? I don't see you wearing any accessories nowadays. I thought you were influenced by your atheist friends that you have discarded all the holy beads.
Oh! No! They might not believe in God but they're the kindest that I've met so far. Their concept of not hurting anyone is good enough to prove that something good is a guide for them from within. They just don't give it any names.
Hmm ok. Speculations never was the better thing to do.
That's true. And I decided for myself that i don't need any form of accessories. My confidence, my skills and abilities were my biggest attributes. I didn't need anything concrete to hold on to. I had abstract accessories. In my mind, heart, limbs, all over me.
That's really nice. It gives a good feeling. Bare and strong. Why did i not think about this?
Every time i help someone i just feel happy seeing them grow. Whatever they do, wherever they go. But i also make it a point that no one steps on me in the name of service. Trust me i have seen my share of users.
Ohh!
We can help others unconditionally. Without expectations. Without prejudice. Service and charity must give you lightness. It should never be a burden.
I understand now. Thank you for your time.
You're welcome. Be happy. It's alright to have felt all levels of pain but its important to become stronger, happier and better. Remember you said it, at the precipice we change. We become the best, the strongest and the happiest. I'm glad to see you smiling. Hold it there forever. Take care. Bye for now.
Bye. Thank you again.
Yup. I am with my thoughts. They are my best friend and the worst enemy!
Tell me what you are thinking please. Your thoughts often give me answers. When i advise you i get some consolation myself.
Well, I was measuring the heights of my pain. I asked myself if i have recorded the highest height of my misery.
Have you now? How did you identify the level of misery within you?
I measure pain. I have seen some grief. Due to some death. It was big.
Then you have seen other kinds of pain too?
Hmmm. Yes. Betrayal, neglect. They're bigger pain.
How do you say that?
The hurt is bigger. It hurts more.
I've never weighed issues in this manner. This is an amazing concept. You say betrayal and neglect. How do you differenciate the two?
Betrayal is when promises are broken. Neglect is when you're treated like you don't exist. These two gives the bigger pain.
You said big and bigger. Is there a biggest hurt then?
Oh! Yes.
And that will be?
Seeing people who are more hurt than me. That gives me the biggest pain. I get the need that i should make them better.
An empath?
Perhaps. I'm not sure. But i feel better once i see changes in them. When their lives improve. But..
But?
They leave. Without asking me whether I'm ready to let them go.
Why do they leave?
They find better pastures. They decide it's time. They don't ask my opinion nor preference. They just go. Without a proper goodbye.
That makes you angry?
No. Just hurt. Then after awhile i become stronger than before. At the precipice, something happens. When i think all is lost, I change. Along comes another realisation. I am good. Those who left are not meant to be with me. It's actually their loss.
Is this an egotistical claim? You're great and people who decide not to linger are losers?
Not from that point of view. I just feel i could have done more. Made their lives perfect.
Perfection cannot be seen from your individual belief. Everyone has personal needs. Life is about searching for a particular fulfilment. Till that's done, the search continues.
Perhaps.
Please remember whatever that you do for others would be accounted for somewhere, somehow. Let's just think nature merits you in someway. You should never attach yourself too much to anything or anyone in particular.
I needed them as much as they needed me. I feel used. Lost and alone.
I guess that's why you wear all these beads in your neck? Big, small, brown and black?
Yes. The rudraksham gives me confidence. I feel strong. I was lucky. I even got the single faced rudraksham.
Rudraksham is fine. It gives good health, spiritual enrichment. But grappling onto it in desperation is not what it is all about. Your strength is within you. You, yourself, are your own rudraksham. You can give it any number of faces you want.
That's why you are bare? I don't see you wearing any accessories nowadays. I thought you were influenced by your atheist friends that you have discarded all the holy beads.
Oh! No! They might not believe in God but they're the kindest that I've met so far. Their concept of not hurting anyone is good enough to prove that something good is a guide for them from within. They just don't give it any names.
Hmm ok. Speculations never was the better thing to do.
That's true. And I decided for myself that i don't need any form of accessories. My confidence, my skills and abilities were my biggest attributes. I didn't need anything concrete to hold on to. I had abstract accessories. In my mind, heart, limbs, all over me.
That's really nice. It gives a good feeling. Bare and strong. Why did i not think about this?
Every time i help someone i just feel happy seeing them grow. Whatever they do, wherever they go. But i also make it a point that no one steps on me in the name of service. Trust me i have seen my share of users.
Ohh!
We can help others unconditionally. Without expectations. Without prejudice. Service and charity must give you lightness. It should never be a burden.
I understand now. Thank you for your time.
You're welcome. Be happy. It's alright to have felt all levels of pain but its important to become stronger, happier and better. Remember you said it, at the precipice we change. We become the best, the strongest and the happiest. I'm glad to see you smiling. Hold it there forever. Take care. Bye for now.
Bye. Thank you again.
Yet again a deep thought and I guess someone wounded soul and my heart goes out for you.. I may not know you but I feel connected to your emotions in your writings
ReplyDeleteAren't we all connected somehow?
ReplyDeleteYes .. This world is a matrix .. We all are connected
ReplyDelete