அன்பு இல்லம்

எனக்கு ஓர் உதவி செய்கிறீர்களா தோழி?

நிச்சயமாக செய்யலாம். சொல்லுங்கள் என்ன உதவி வேண்டும் உங்களுக்கு?

அன்பு இல்லம் ஒன்று திறக்கனும். முடியும் என்று நினைக்கிறீர்களா?

அன்பு இல்லம்.. யாருக்கு?

உங்களுக்கு, எனக்கு, என் தங்கைக்கு, என் அம்மாவுக்கு...

என்ன சொல்ல வாரீங்க தோழி?

நாம் அனைவரும் ஓய்வு பெறும் வயதை நெருங்கி கொண்டு இருக்கிறோம் இல்லையா?

ஆமாம்..

அம்மாவோ அப்பாவிற்கு பிறகு சதா தூக்கமும் தொலைக்காட்சியுமாக இருக்காங்க. அவங்க பொழுது நன்றாக போனால் பரவாயில்லை. அவங்க தனிமையில் மூழ்கி விடுகிறார்கள். இப்படியே இருந்தால் விரைவில் நோய் வர வாய்ப்பு உண்டு.

சரி. என்ன செய்யலாம் என்று சொல்லுங்க. அன்பு இல்லம் என்பது என்ன முதியோர் இல்லம்மா?

முதியோர் இல்லத்தில் எல்லாம் அம்மாவை விடுவதாக இல்லை தோழி.

எனக்கும் அது உடன்பாடு கிடையாது. என்ன உங்கள் ஐடியா? சொல்லுங்க கேட்போம்.

இடையில் நான் ஒரு விளம்பரம் பார்த்தேன். நியூ சீலாந்தில் ஒரு இயக்கம்.

ஹ்ம்ம்ம்..

வயதானவர்கள், புதிதாக ஓய்வு பெற்றவர்கள் ஒன்று சேர்ந்து ஓர் இல்லத்தை ஆரம்பித்திருக்கின்றார்கள்.

சரி..

ஒவ்வொருவரும் ஓரளவு பணம் கொடுத்து ஒரு வீட்டில் இருக்கின்றனர். வேலைகள் அட்டவணை படி நடக்கின்றது. ஒவ்வொரு நாளும் சாயங்கால வேளையில் எல்லாரும் சேர்ந்து உடற்பயிற்சி செய்கிறார்கள். பிடித்த ஹாபியை வளர்த்து கொள்கிறார்கள். தெரிந்தவர்கள் தெரியாதவர்களுக்கு சொல்லி தருகிறார்கள்.

சூப்பராக இருக்கிறதே?  நாம் அப்படி ஓர் இல்லம் ஆரம்பிக்கலாம் என்று நினைக்கிறீர்களா?

ஆமாம். நாம் ஏன் இதை செய்யக்கூடாது? ஃபார்மலாக வேண்டாம். கல்லூரியில் படிக்கும் போது வாடகை வீடு எடுத்து எல்லாரும் சேர்ந்து பாடங்கள், வேலைகள் சேர்ந்து செய்வோமே? அதேப்போல..

ஹ்ம்ம்ம் நல்ல கருத்து. ஆனால் இதில் கலந்து கொள்ளும் அனைவரும் வேலையிலிருந்து ஓய்வு பெற்றவர்களாக இருக்கனுமா என்ன? வருமானம் இல்லாதவர்கள் எப்படி? அம்மாவுக்கும் வருமானம் இல்லையே!

அதனால் தான் உதவி என்று சொன்னேன். அதாவது நாம் எப்பொழுதும் நம்மிடம் அதிகமாக இருப்பதை பிறருக்கு கொடுப்போம் இல்லையா? அதேபோல நீங்கள் ஒரு வயதானவரை தேர்ந்தெடுங்கள், நான் அம்மாவை அழைத்து கொள்கிறேன், என் தங்கை இன்னொரு முதியவரை சேர்த்து விடட்டும்.

கேட்க சிறப்பாக தான் இருக்கிறது. நாம் முயற்சி செய்யலாம்.

நாம் இவர்களை ஒன்று சேர்த்து சரியான முறையில் பொழுதுகளை கழிக்க உதவலாம். அவர்களுக்கு தேவையான உணவு முறை, மருந்து மாத்திரைகளை நாம் சரிப்படுத்தி கொடுக்கலாம்.

ஆமாம். அவர்களுடைய அனுபவங்களை கதையாக கேட்கலாம், எளிய உடற்பயிற்சி செய்ய பழகி கொடுக்கலாம், மூலிகை வைத்தியங்கள் மூலம் அவர்களின் உடல் சுகாதாரத்தை பேணலாம்.

இது வெற்றிகரமாக நடக்குமா?

நிச்சயமாக நடக்கும். நம் தோழர்களை அழைத்து இதை எப்படி செய்யலாம் என்று முடிவெடுப்போம். செயல்படுவோம். ஒன்று மட்டும் எப்போதும் நாம் கருத்தில் கொள்ள வேண்டும். எளிமையான வாழ்க்கை முறையை மட்டுமே நாம் கடைப்பிடிக்க வேண்டும். எந்த வகையான ஆடம்பரம் இங்கே வேண்டாம்.

ஹ்ம்ம்ம். வழக்கம் போல பட்டியலை போடுவோம். முயற்சியில் இறங்குவோம். தடைகளை அகற்றுவோம். இதுவும் வெற்றி பெறும்.

ஒஃப் கோர்ஸ் தோழி. முயற்சி திருவினை ஆக்கும். வாருங்கள் வேலையைத் தொடங்கலாம். முதலில் தோழர்களுக்கு அழைப்பு.

காட்டேரி

கோவிலுக்கு போனேன் மிஸ்.

நல்லது. கோவிலில் என்ன  செய்திகள்?

ஒன்னும் இல்லை. பஜனை படித்தார்கள். நைஸ்.

ஓ, சரி!

அதில் ஒரு பாட்டு.

ஹ்ம்ம்ம்..

ஜக்கம்மா, ஜக்கம்மா... எனக்கு உங்கள் ஞாபகம் வந்தது.

ஜக்கம்மாவா. இது என்ன புது கதையா இருக்கிறது? யார் ஜக்கம்மா?

ஜக்கம்மா சாமி மிஸ்! அன்பான சாமி. அந்த வரிகள். எங்களை காக்கும் ஜக்கம்மா. உங்களைப் போல.

ஹா ஹா ஹா ஹா... என்னை இப்போ சாமியா ஆக்கியாச்சா?

ஒரு கொம்பேரிசன் மிஸ். ஜக்கம்மா நல்ல சாமி. எங்களை காக்கும் சாமி. காட்டேரினு இன்னொரு சாமி இருக்கிறது. பாட்டி சொன்னார்.

கேட்ட பெயராக தான் இருக்கிறது ஐயா. சொல்லு. இன்றைக்கு வித்தியாசமான ஒரு கதை பேசுகிறாய்.

காட்டேரி, காவல் தெய்வம் போல. நிறைய பயம் கொடுக்குமாம். குழந்தைகள் அவங்களைப் பார்த்தால் பயப்படுவார்களாம்!

சரி. நீ என்ன சொல்ல வருகிறாய்?

எங்க டீச்சர்ஸை நினைத்தால் காட்டேரி ஞாபகம் வருது மிஸ். பொல்லாதவர்கள்!

ஏன் அப்படி சொல்கிறாய்.

எனக்கு அவர்களை கண்டால் பயம் மிஸ். சின்ன பிழை செய்தாலும், மரண அடி விழுது.

அது என்ன மரண அடி?

அவங்க ஒரு அறை விட்டாங்கனா காது கிழியும், கன்னம் வீங்கும், தலை சுற்றி விடும்.

ஐயோ!

எங்களை அடிக்க வரும்போது ஆவேசமா வருவாங்க. விழிகள் பிதுங்கி, கண்கள் சிவந்து, குரலை உயர்த்தி வீச்சு, வீச்சுனு கத்தி... அப்பப்பப்பா... காட்டேரி!

எதற்காக உங்களை அடிக்கனும்?

எல்லா விஷயத்துக்கும் அடிதான். பாடம் புரியாட்டி அடி, பாடம் முடிக்காமல் வந்தால் அடி, புத்தகம் மறந்தால் அடி. நாங்கள் சராசரி குழந்தையாக இருப்பதற்கு அடி.

ஏன் மறக்கனும் புத்தகத்தை?

எங்கள் சூழ்நிலை அப்படி. சரியான படிக்கும் அறை இல்லை. ஏழு பேர் ஒரே அறையில் இருப்போம். எல்லாம் கலந்து போகும். வீட்டில் தான் அப்படினு பள்ளிக்கு போனால் அங்கே இன்னும் கொடுமை பெருசா இருக்கு.

ஹ்ம்ம். என்ன செய்யலாம்?

ஒன்னும் செய்ய முடியாது மிஸ். இதை நீங்களோ, இல்லை அம்மாவோ வந்து கேட்டால் அதோட எங்கள் கதை முடிந்து விடும்.

ஏன்?

புள்ளி வைத்து கோலம் தான்.

புரியலயே!

அதையே சொல்லி, சொல்லி. இந்த வகுப்பில் இவன் தான் எட்டப்பன். இவனை யாரும் நம்பாதீர்கள், இவன் உருப்பட போவதில்லை.. அது இதுனு சொல்லி துன்பம் கொடுப்பாங்க. இன்னும் அடி கொடுத்து, உதை கொடுத்து, எங்களை கிள்ளி எடுப்பாங்க.

என்ன செய்யலாம் சொல்லு.

முடிந்தால் யாரையும் தமிழ் பள்ளிக்கு அனுப்ப கூடாது மிஸ். நாங்கள் தமிழ் படித்து கொள்கிறோம். தமிழ்ப்பள்ளி வேண்டாம்.

மற்ற பள்ளியில் இந்த பிரச்சினைகள் இல்லையா என்ன?

இல்லை மிஸ். எங்கள் அண்டை வீட்டில் வேறு பள்ளிகளில் படிக்கின்றனர், இப்படி எல்லாம் இல்லை. தமிழ் பள்ளியில் தான் காட்டேரிகள்.

இதை எப்படி தீர்க்கலாம்?

நீங்கள் ஒரு பள்ளி ஆரம்பிக்கலாம். உங்களுடன் படிக்க எங்களுக்கு பிடிக்கும். நீங்கள் தான் எங்களுக்கு ஜக்கம்மா மிஸ்!

ஜக்கம்மா, காட்டேரி! வித்தியாசமாக யோசிக்கிறாய் ஐயா. கவலைப்பட வேண்டாம். நல்லா படி. சொந்த பள்ளி எல்லாம் திறக்கும் அளவுக்கு இங்கே வழிகள் இல்லை ஐயா. ஆனால் என்னால் முடிந்ததை உங்களுக்கு  நான் செய்கிறேன். இன்னும் கொஞ்ச நாட்களில் இடைநிலைப் பள்ளிக்கு போனதும் சூழல் மாறும். சரியா?

சரி மிஸ்!

Dance Steps

Why do you struggle so much? Doing difficult things?

Yes. I am struggling with some difficult things.

I know that. I didn't ask you for an admission. I asked you, why!

For that sense of achievement. Black belt wasn't easy. But on my graduation day, the feeling equaled that of getting a Grammy award.

Don't you feel it's unnecessary? Waste of time? At this age one should sit down more on meditation and prayers.

I pray. My mode of prayers has changed. I just sit and close my eyes. Something lifts me and i become light. Sometimes i even feel detached from my body. That short rest is prayers. I cannot share what i experience from within. That's my sacred secret between God and me.

So, there is God?

I have enough proof for myself to know He exists.

It's a Him?

There's a Him and a Her. The Father and Mother concept and much more. It's unexplainable. You have to discover it yourself.

So the atheist are wrong?

Nobody is wrong. They don't know. They haven't discovered.

How about astrology?

Astrology is about rays and vibes which touch you from the galaxy. It has its effects. That's why days are named after planets. On Tuesday the rays from Mars are directly on us. It affects digestion. You're saved if you eat more vegetables on that day. Or it's even better when you fast! Planets affect people. The time you're born creates you in some ways.

I beg to contradict you.

By all means.

I know of a friend who has another friend. They're born on the same day, almost same time but they're different in status and character. How can it be if they share the same zodiac.

Your friends' features. Are they the same?

How can that be? They're not twins.

That's another aspect. Genes. Mutation. This is where the snake element makes its entry.

Snakes? How in the world?

As i said. These are sacred secrets. Discover for yourself.

No wonder people say you're not too stable.

I can only smile to that. And that's one of the reason why i don't explain everything. Everyone doesn't need to know everything. It's meant to be that one is meant to be ignorant.

I really can't follow you. Back to your difficult hobbies. You often say you're disoriented. Yet you force yourself to learn those dance steps. Why such torture? Don't you feel embarrassed?

Often, I am. I keep making mistakes. What people learn in two takes, I learn in four. Sometimes i forget within the minute. But i progress.

What do you get from it? You're paying for classes. No gain from it.

There might be no monetary gains but lots of others. When you dance you tend to forget your pains. Troubles. It's a different world. It's a diversion. My mind does its own dance with some unknown figure. It's an awesome moment. I'm neither here nor there. I'm in pristine paradise.

Don't people get impatient with you?

I'm lucky. My master is a patient man. He doesn't know about my disorders but he understands my passion. My consistency in practice. He doesn't give up. He gives everyone value for money we pay.

All these make you happy?

Yes. I'm feeding some needs from within. Some dance sessions lift me out too. Into oblivion. I like those mystical feelings.

You are not pulled down by any physical pain? You're almost half a century old?

I don't remember my age unless you remind me. Then I'd forget again. I'm never tired. My muscles are building. Bones become stronger. I become stronger. When there's pain during training it makes me a stronger person. I have not deteriorated in any way.

Your family members don't grudge you for doing all these now?

I've never done anything without my parents' blessings. I'm blessed. My children feel i should do what i want. I'm not hurting anyone in the process. In fact I'm healthier, happier. All but good.

I see. I'm glad you are happy. There have been times you weren't.

Yes. Those are in the past. Time is everything. There's a quote by someone,

Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.  

That's true. Thanks for the explanation. Much of it doesn't make sense yet does in an enigmatic way.

You're welcome. Just leave things as it is. If you're meant to know, then you will somehow.

Flirt

Henry exclaimed that i have come back to class fitter than before.

Unfortunately, he had to keep more patience than ever because i forgot every jive step that i learned three weeks ago.

Of course Henry is a gentleman. He is also most agile. He went back to basics, much to the others' chagrin.

So, there we went round and round.
Basics, turns, American spins, change of place, change hand, whip, jive walk, stop and go, change of place and finally back to basics.

See i even memorized everything. Slowly everything came back. Like unfolding waves within the brain.

I thought that's what we call consistency. Perseverance. Hardworking. Self acclamation! Silly girl!

Then someone broke into my reverie. The clearing of his throat alerted me.

"Your legs are hairy!" He said.

"Hmmm. So?"

"That's very unladylike!" Was his reply.

"Oh! Really? Do you know I'm more man than lady?"

"Huh! I can't see anything manly about you. Only unkempt appearance." He retorted.

"I do more work than any man i know. I have more responsibility than some!"

"So, you think that's a valid reason for you to neglect yourself?" He queried.

"I'd say, lack of interest would be more accurate. Lack of time would be a second aspect. Apart from this class i don't basically have a social life. I don't see any reason to upgrade my lady luck charm."

"Enigmatic butterfly, you are!" He mocked.

"What are you, I wonder? A flirt?"

"My! A butterfly with a sting!" Came his teasing reply.

"Who are you? Why are you annoying me?"

"My name is Alexander. I'm an expatriate from Russia!" Was his calm reply.

If i had been fair i might have turned red. Russian. Expatriate meant what? I was tongue tied.

"Cat got your tongue?" He asked.

"I'm just wondering if you left your manners back in, where did you say, you came from?"

"Volga, Russia." He smiled.

"Well, for starters, I'm feeling awkward. I've not spoken too many words in this manner with anyone, let alone, a foreigner. My throat feels dry!"

"You are the odd one out here. Your skin is tanned. Ebony. Sable skinned." More musings.

"Are you flirting with me? It's of no use you know!"

"Maybe. But I'm more curious. Because you're different than the rest. Are you a Nigerian? He asked.

"Hmm. No. Never heard of Indians?"

"You're a Red Indian?" He asked.

"Not red. Just Indian. Malaysian Indian."

Then it hit me. He was a pretender. Something in his eyes, grey silvery eyes, showed a twinkle of humor. He found this situation funny.

"You're pulling my leg, aren't you?

"And you have big beautiful eyes!" He said.

"You're a daring flirt."

"Ahh! But I'm merely talking to you. No harm meant!"

"No offense taken! You're a dancer here?"

"Yes. I'm one of the performers for the graduation night. In November. I came to meet Henry to select my partner. Finalize the song." He answered.

"Ohh!"

I was not afraid. Simply dumbfounded.

"You think you can dance with me? His question threw me off balance. I started to laugh then stifled it.

"You know how i dance? I'm crazy in the dance floor. I forget steps every ten seconds. I'm easily disoriented!"

"Ahh. With me you don't have to dance. You just need to hold on and follow. I will be your move." He half whispered.

It was quite scary. And i was lost for words.

"I..."

"Of course you must shave the legs and..."

"I beg your pardon sir.. Alexander. I am not going to dance with you. Whether i shave my legs or not is none of your business."

Luckily at that point Henry came and interrupted that crazy situation and whisked him away.

And from afar he raised his hand and showed me a thumbs up sign and then a warning gesture.

My! It was a bit weird and rather intimidating. But Henry is there. I'm sure nothing can supersede Henry. 

Darsha

Walking up the road in Hatfield, carrying 6 litres of water in a backpack, made me feel important.

Walking 3 miles a day was routine here. Yet, I doubt we can do the same thing in Malaysia. The heat for one. The other commitments which will not allow me to do this mundane simple things.

Walking here reminded me of walking in Norfolk. The park and the swans and the ducks were a unique sight.

Walking in other parks in Germany brought smiles. Another interesting experience.

Walking into Roberts Way this morning brought to sight, people. The way was filled with international students and their families.

Roberts Way was buzzing with activities. I remember seeing lanes empty and deserted earlier.

Every time i enter the apartment, the automatic entrance light would light up. That always gave me a spark of excitement.

Opening doors with light sensor keys was fun and out of the ordinary. I recalled my university days. Messy days intertwined with tragedy and child caring. Wasn't fun at all. I kept a little note at the back of mind to come back for a course of some sort. Just to live uni life properly.

Perhaps to do Masters in literature? What would be the use for Masters for someone retired and almost 50? Maybe something else. Matter of choosing and signing up and having fun.

Walking into the hostel room is another feeling of achievement. The warning sign on the door says, ' Have you got your keys with you?' Meaning if you leave the keys in the room, you'd be locked out!

Entering the living space reminded me of the many days of hanging out here, having meals and watching marathons of Hollyoaks.

After a few days, discovering the electric water jug missing  indicated a small warning as to keeping anything offhand here. It might also go missing. It's best to be safer than sorry.

Banking gave me a big knock on the head. For every withdrawal of 100£ the bank charged me RM151. So, if i withdrew 500£ i get charged with RM755. That's a lot of money to give the bank. I have other great causes which i can divert it to!

Another cause for consternation was the cabs. Arriving from Heathrow we paid 140£. Leaving to Heathrow was 45£. So when i asked the driver why is it so, he tells me, "you've been ripped, mate. And if I'd known earlier that you paid that much, I would have charged you more too!

Money, the devil's denominator. How it rules humans. I kept a mental check that i should never let it rule me.

On the first day, after a very tiring, enigmatic day, we discovered a Nepalese restaurant, accidentally of course.

We ordered hot rice and fish curry. That's when we met Darsha.

Darsha is a Malaysian. She immediately recognized us for birds from her own flock.

I'd say from that very moment she made a difference to our lives. Every problem had a solution. Every trouble had a remedy. She opened every closed door and enlightened us.

That's when i realized that after 23 years of cocooning my caterpillar it's time to allow her to be a butterfly.

Having people like Darsha is a blessing in disguise. A gift from God. Amen.

Sparkling water!

ஒரு கண்டுபிடிப்பு!

லண்டனில் குடிக்க நீர் வாங்கும் போது சில தகவல்களை தெரிந்து கொள்வது நல்லது.

முதல் தகவல் நீர் புட்டியின் விலை. 1 லிட்டர் 1£ நீரும் இருக்கிறது, 2 லிட்டர் 17p நீரும் இருக்கிறது.

இந்த 17p நீர் இருவகை படுகிறது என்று நான் நம்புகிறேன். பச்சை மூடி நீர் புட்டி, 'ஸ்பார்க்லிங் வாட்டர்'. நீல மூடி கொண்டது சாதாரண நீர்.

ஸ்பார்க்லிங் வாட்டர், சுவையில்லாத பெப்ஸி போல இருக்கிறது. நீர் குடித்த திருப்தி இல்லை எனக்கு. ஓர் ஆர்வத்துடன், இதை நாங்கள் 4 புட்டிகளா வேறு வாங்கி, அதையும் 3 மைல் தூரம் தூக்கி நடந்து ஏமார்ந்து போனோம்.

இந்த பக்கம் வரும் மக்கள் இதை கவனத்தில் வைத்து கொள்வது நல்லது.

Publicity

Good day, ma'am. I heard you called for me?

Yes. Good day. Please sit down.

Thank you. How can i be of help to you ma'am?

I heard you are running a shelter for some people?

Oh! I won't call it that! It's just a stopover. A stepping stone.

What do you normally do there?

We work together. I teach the women to educate their children. Hygiene. Balanced diet. Health. They help me to cook and clean. I arrange some business with what skill they have. Catering, house cleaning and ironing. It's like a simple barter system for services.

Hmm. I need your help.

To?

I need you to gather these single women. Mothers, widows, divorcees, pregnant women and lost teenagers.

They're more or less gathered. I have their contacts.

I'm thinking of creating an association. Like that of the Scottish widows. Under my wing.

Scottish Widows?

That's a name of an insurance company. I got inspired after seeing the name to form a group, a club to help the unfortunate women. Have meetings, change their lives.

I see. And ma'am, what is your ideas in changing their lives?

Change their look. Maybe they become more modern. Pedicure sessions.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I'm sorry but why are you laughing Miss?

With all due respect ma'am, these women they have no time for meetings, pedicures, facials etc. They need skills to change their lives. Living skills. To gain skills they need money. To make money they need skills. You get me?

So, what are you suggesting?

You can have classes for them. Cooking, baking, tailoring, beautician courses. Short courses at night. Or weekends. While the courses are taking place you must have a nursery or baby sitting arrangements. Otherwise these women will not come.

Oh! So many issues. I was thinking of doing something offhand that would hike my portfolio in my party. You know, maybe give them some sewing machines and groceries plus clothes.

A political agenda. And how would the machines be useful if they don't know how to sew? How long will the groceries last? A lifetime?

Please don't divert me from my original plan. I'm thinking of using my allocated funds to kill two birds with one stone. Help these women and gain a good name.

There's no point in giving them short term help. We must teach them to fish. Not supply them with fish. For how long can you do that. Once your supply finishes and you find yourself a new hobby they will be stranded. Teach them skills, so that they can fend for themselves for a lifetime.

I don't have that kind of time. If you help me i will slowly give you a post. You can go far..

I'm speechless. I don't wish to comment further. If you have a better offer as in opening weekend self developing classes for them with daycare attached, I will help you. Otherwise I'm sorry, I'm not going to be of any use to you ma'am.

Hmm. I have to think about it. Or i have to look for something else. Will give you a call. Thank you.

Yes sure. Good day ma'am. 

Attitude

Rainy, gloomy, wet and gray. That's how the day has been.

Along came the news. A relative had passed. Only 51 years old. Reason unknown. Could be dengue, could be a virus.

Then comes the calls from my children. Take care of yourself. You are too faraway! What if something happens to you?

What if?

After having witnessed some tragedies in the past, what I've accepted is, death is inevitable. If it's meant to happen it will.

While some ignore everything and behave like they're untouchables i believe everything is destined.
It's not about when and how death comes. It's about how it is till death comes.

Often we fail to execute what we actually want. We are trapped in commitments, community expectations and our own lackings.

I happen to read this.

**REMAIN HUMBLE AND GRATEFUL*

A rich man looked through his window and saw a man picking something from his dustbin. He said, Thank God I'm not poor.

The poor man looked around and saw a naked man misbehaving on the street. He said, Thank God I'm not mad.

The mad man looked ahead and saw an ambulance carrying a patient. He said, Thank God am not sick.

Then a sick person in hospital saw a trolley taking a dead body to the mortuary. He said, Thank God I'm not dead.

Only a dead person cannot thank God. Why don't you thank God today for giving you the opportunity to live another day?

Would you share with someone else, and let them know that God loves them too?

*LIFE:*
To understand it better, you have to go to 3 locations:

1. Hospital,
2. Prison &
3. Cemetery.

*At the Hospital*, you will understand that nothing is more beautiful than HEALTH.

*In the Prison*, you'll see that FREEDOM is the most precious thing.

*At the Cemetery*, you will realize that life is worth nothing. The ground that we walk today will be our roof tomorrow.

*Let us, therefore, remain humble and be grateful for everything.*

Along the way, do not forget compassion. Do not become overly selfish. Living off others will produce diseases. Stepping on others to improve in life is a sin.

Another well read article will be this,

*Must read
Brought tears to my eyes.. 🌟
If only we all were as pure n kind hearted.. 🌟 👼
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realise true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'


Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?'

I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs, but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognising that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'.

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you are thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you are probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realise the 'natural order of things.'

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice.

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

And this,

*_*A man was asked to paint a boat.*_

 *He brought with him paint and brushes and began to paint the boat a bright red, as the owner asked him*.

 While painting, he realized there was a hole in the hull and decided to repair it.

 *When finished painting, he received his money and left.*

 The next day, the owner of the boat came to the painter and presented him with a nice check, much higher than the payment for painting.

 The painter was surprised:
- You've already paid me for painting the boat!
- he said.
- But this is not for the  paint job.

 It's for having repaired the hole in the boat.
- *Ah! But it was such a small service ... certainly it's not worth paying me such a high amount for something so insignificant!*

 - My dear friend, you do not understand. Let me tell you what happened.

 *When I asked you to paint the boat, I forgot to mention about the hole.*

 When the boat dried, my kids took the boat and went on a fishing trip.

 *They did not know that there was a hole.*
I was not at home at that time.

 When I returned and noticed they had taken the boat, I was desperate because I remembered that the boat had a hole.

 Imagine my relief and joy when I saw them returning from fishing.

 *Then, I examined the boat and found that you had repaired the hole! You see, now, what you did?* You saved the life of my children! I do not have enough money to pay your "small" good deed.

 *So, no matter who, when or how. Just continue to help, sustain, wipe tears, listen attentively and carefully repair all the "leaks"* you find, because you never know when one is in need of us or when God holds a pleasant surprise for us to be helpful and important to someone.

 You may have repaired numerous "boat holes" along the way, of several people without realizing how many lives you've saved. Carry on repairing.

**********

I have been unfortunate to meet people who hurt me in the past. But for every devil around God created two saints to save me. Those saints picked me up, gave me care and love. Made me stronger than before.

God gave me a big heart and i remember never to hate those who pained me. Though it hurt lots and more but i remember to cherish the others who were my saviours.

I have learned to live my life well. To its best. Every person i pass, I make sure benefits from me in someway.

Those whom i passed and made my life better? Keep a raincheck, I'd be back to fulfill my vow. 

London, London

Hello

Hello

Is the taxi going to Robert's Way?

Yes, it is. Hop in.

How much would that be please?

That would be 5£.

Oh! I was told its 3.50£ throughout Hatfield.

Ok. In that case you pay me that. Normally i charge the foreigner 5£. Where are you from?

I'm from Malaysia. I'm here to settle my daughter at college. I'm leaving in a few days.

Oh, really? I thought you're a student yourself. I wouldn't have thought you have a big daughter in college.

Well, thank you. This is what I've been hearing from the airport.

So, when are you heading back? I can send you to the airport.

That will be good. I'm uncertain of my flight details yet as I'm on a standby plan. I'd inform you once i know. How much will your rates be?

The rate to the airport will be 50£. That's from 7am to 11pm. From 11pm to 7am the rates will be different.

I see. I'm quite perplexed with how money works here. I go buy some still water and it's 1£. Later i see there's water for 17p. Then i think to myself my, my, I could have bought 5 bottles of water if i had known earlier.

Yes. You must look around. Look for deals.

Tell me about deals. I bought a burger for 9£. Then i found a voucher which gave me burgers priced at 2.99£ each. It's quite confusing.

That's how it is. You're learning fast.

Hmmm.

Do you miss your country?

I don't miss the place. I miss work. Routine. Here its all new. Sorting out things for someone else. Just fulfilling duties.

So you can't wait to go back?

Yes. My kids are all missing me. Their text consists of , "can't wait for you to come back", " when is your flight ", " when are you coming back? " I'm also itching to do work. I'm here for almost two weeks now. Walked half of London. Tough days.

I see. If you need help, call me. This is my number. I'd send you to the airport for 45£. Best deal.

Thank you. I will.

Faith vs fate?

Amma...

Yes.

Thank you...

Thank you for...

Having faith in me.

Faith is not the word I'd say. If i said yes, I'd be lying. I'm not saying I've no faith in you either.

I don't understand.

I believe there is a reason you wanted to study in the UK. You were willing to wait for everything to fall into place.

Yes..

If things didn't work out, there might be the possibility that we never came here.

True.

So with not too much of efforts we managed to apply, get the cast and the visa and finally the flight.

So it's fated that i should come here?

Fate plus initiative. You're here.

I promise i will do my best to score, excel and be tops.

Don't start with so much pressure. Do everything with a happy mood. Enjoy what you're doing. If anything becomes too much and you feel you don't like it at all don't despair. Drop it. Do self developing projects. Here you have a choice to do what's necessary.

Yea. I remember doing 14 subjects in school before and half of it had nothing to do with what i needed in life. There was too much that i ended up doing nothing.

Now you have a chance to do everything you like. Choose what's best. Build yourself and come out a success. In saying a success not success for others, just for yourself.

Wow! You make this look like a stress less experience. I am going to do my best. Not let you down.

Nothing you do or don't do will let me down. If you do well in the university you will earn well. If you don't do too good you're still going to find some work and fend for yourself. I'm in no way going to tell you this is what i want. Do what's self building, self encouraging and best for yourself.

Okay, amma, thank you.

You're welcome child.

He's perfect.

He's perfect.

Hmmm. That's what you have been saying for the past ten years.

He's different. He's not like the others.

This too, I've heard before. Why can't you live your life for yourself. Why do you need to attach yourself with someone all the time?

I'm not. I'm just living my life.

If you're living YOUR life then why is it that you're bringing all your issues to me?

I need a place to let go of my troubles. That's why i talk to you.

Ok. What is it this time?

Well, every now and then he gets angry. He takes it out on me.

Takes it out as in?

He raises his hands. See the bruises on my arms.

.......

Are you not going to say something?

And you said he's perfect! Every time, in every issue, you seem to think bad things happen only to others. To everyone except you. Everything can happen to you too. No one is perfect.

He is. He loves me but he can't control his anger.

Love does not hurt. This is crap, if i may say so.

You will never understand. You're never happy when I'm happy.

I should be happy that you're getting hurt? Should i applaud your bruises as a trophy? You keep making the same mistakes. Not once, not twice, many times.

I can't leave him. Everyone knows about it.

Yes, that's another thing that you do. Why do you publish everything? Why do you post about every outing, every dine in? Does the world need to know everything you do?

He wanted me to. He wants people to know we're together. So that no one disturbs me.

You're nobody's property. When you're in love, you're to be happy, free. Love should build you not crush you. Please reassess what you're doing. Live your life better than how you're living it now.

What should i do?

Whenever you feel you're not in the right track, pause. Give everything a break. Continue with routine. Fill your time properly. Involve in a project. Every small accomplishment will build newer energy in you.

I would give it a try.

Please do. Our lives are quite simple if we give it a chance. God/ Nature is guiding us well. We just need to follow. Calmly.

I will try to follow what you say.

This is the first time you have said you are going to try. That's a good sign. I wish you all the best.

Thank you mom.

You're welcome.

Cuba baca..

*Hari Ini Saya Baik, Nanti Cikgu Beritahu Mak?’ Soalan Murid Nakal Yang Mengubahku*

 "Cikgu..!” sapanya.

“Semalam saya kena rotan dengan mak saya”, sambungnya membuatkan saya memusingkan badan lalu duduk betul-betul mengadapnya.

“Rotan kat mana?”soal saya ingin tahu.

“Kat sini” sambil dia menunjukkan lengannya yang kecil itu. Ya. Masih ada bekasnya. Kuat barangkali dirotan ibunya.

“Sakit ke?”soal saya simpati.

Dia mengangguk berkali-kali.

“Menangis?”tanya saya lagi.

Sekali lagi dia mengangguk.

“Kenapa mak rotan?”soal saya sambil menggosok-gosok lengannya yang masih berbekas.

“Mak saya marah sebab saya xxxxxxx di sekolah.” Balasnya.

Ya. Memang minggu lepas saya menangkap beliau dan beberapa orang rakannya kerana melakukan kesalahan di sekolah.

“Macamana mak saya tahu cikgu? Cikgu bagitahu mak saya ke? Soalnya ingin tahu.

“Ya Adam, cikgu terpaksa beritahu mak Adam.”

Dia menundukkan kepala. Melihat contengan yang dibuat dengan pensilnya sejak dari tadi. Saya masih membelek-belek birat-birat tebal di lengannya.

“Cikgu!”sapanya lagi.

“Hari ni saya baik cikgu. Nanti cikgu bagitahu mak saya tak?”

Soalannya betul-betul membuatkan saya terdiam. Bungkam rasanya mendengar soalan ini.

Jujurnya sepanjang menjadi guru memang tidak pernah walau sekalipun saya menelefon ibubapa atau penjaga bercerita tentang kebaikan anak-anak mereka. Saya juga yakin ibu bapa akan berasa pelik jika seseorang guru berbuat demikian.

Hati saya pada seperti dihentak-hentak dengan keras. Anak ini seolah-olah merayu supaya diberikan keadilan untuknya.

Wahai sang guru, semalam kamu mengadu kepada ibuku tentang kenakalan ku. Lalu aku terus di rotan teruk. Maka hari ini apabila aku berakhlak baik,maka sepatutnya juga diberitahu kepada ibuku agarku dipuji dan dikasihi semula ibuku.

Benar. Bukan sahaja di sekolah, malah dirumah juga begitu. Berapa banyak kebaikan anak-anak berlaku begitu sahaja dihadapan mata.

Kebaikan yang mereka lakukan seolah-olah tidak ada nilai pada pandangan mata kita. Tidak pernah kita zahirkan kegembiraan terhadap kebaikan yang mereka tunjukkan.

Tetapi seandainya anak-anak berbuat kesalahan atau perangai yang jelek, cepat sahaja kita meninggikan suara, mengherdik dan memberikan amaran.

Mungkin kerana itu kita sering melihat anak-anak membuat nakal kerana mereka tidak kita kenalkan dengan kebaikan. Marah dan herdik lebih banyak kita lontarkan kepada mereka berbanding puji dan syukur.

Aku tak mampu menjawab soalan anak ini. Aku hanya mampu terus menggosok lengannya sambil menelan rasa kesal dan sesal yang tak sudah.

Aku tidak mampu menghilangkan kesan birat pada lengannya apatah lagi calar dalam hatinya yang mengharapkan aku menunaikan haknya.

Dari dalam bilik darjah aku memerhatikan air hujan yang masih belum jemu membersihkan kesan kelabu jerebu di udara. Rahmat tuhan buat kita.

Dan rahmat itu tuhan turunkan dalam pelbagai bentuk dan cara. Hari ini, rahmatNya datang dari seorang anak kecil yang dengannya membuka mata kita yang dewasa ini untuk melihat lebih banyak kebaikan.

*Asmadi Abdul Samad*
_Menumpang rahmat murid-murid_

Gutsy view.

I hate your guts.

Why?

How can you continue living like nothing happened?

What could have happened that should make me lose my head?

Weren’t you dumped recently?

Oh! You think?

Yeah. I observed both of you together. Now i see her on her own. With someone else.

I was with her.

Then?

I decided I’ve had enough. She didn’t dump me.

Oh! Why? Was the relationship bad? Not to your expectations?

No.

Was she nagging too much?

No.

Was she being a burden in anyway?

No too.

Then?

I’m not sure. I didn’t have time for her. I felt i don’t need her. I had other needs. Other friends who was more in order with my life.

I see. How did she take it? When you said goodbye?

I didn’t. I just remained silent until she left.

Didn’t she retaliate? Wasn’t she angry?

Come to think of it, no! She just left.

You don’t regret your actions?

Sometimes i think i might have missed a good person but I’m always busy so..

You think she might be hurt?

Maybe. She texted me often. I kept quiet. She asked me what was wrong. How could she amend things and make things better. I never replied. I didn’t think there was any point in it.

I find you to be quite cold hearted. I thought you are one of those who fought for the female liberation and yet you squashed her. She was quite a damsel in distress.

Hmmm. Let it be. I’d like to do what i like, what makes me happiest. Not what makes others happy.

Whereas she likes to make others happy and doesn’t really care about her own.

I’d say she gets happiness from seeing others happy. Something like that. I never could understand how one can be like that.

Would you be offended if i tried to be her friend? I feel i can look after her well.

Yeah. By all means. I’ve got no commitments with her. No bonds nor ties.

       *********************
Hi

Hi

How are you?

I’m good.

What’s happening in life?

Hmmm. Nothing much. Days pass, with work. Routine.

Are you unhappy? Lonely?

Yes. Sometimes. When I’m with nothing to do.

Are you alone?

Not really.

But you are lonely?

Yes. Often.

What do you plan to do about it?

Loneliness? Nothing. I’m okay with it. There was a time i was extremely happy. I found my soulmate. I thought that was it. Life had come to a completion. But it wasn’t so.

What happened?

I’m not sure. I did not get any explanations. I’m still in the dark. I only know he didn’t want the relationship to continue.

He was mean?

Nope. Just silent.

You’re a God fearing person. Doesn’t he know he should never mess with someone who trusts God? There will be consequences!

Ahh! No. I’m not asking God to punish people who hurt me. In fact it’s a big relief for me. I was very tired trying to make things work. I didn’t know what was wrong.

You’re not miserable?

I was. But later i discovered it was a big release from torture. I was drinking from an empty cup. I was thirsty but there was no water. I was hungry but i seem to be eating into thin air. All my efforts were being burnt off into nothing.

You have no regrets?

There’s nothing to regret. Life is a big adventure. Everyone deserves to live it to their advantage. Make the best out of it. I felt the best with him but obviously he didn’t feel the same. I cannot force him to do what he doesn’t like.

How did you overcome this separation?

There’s nothing to overcome. Imagine you had a lousy day. You’re feeling as miserable as can be. You’re waiting for a bus or train and that’s the last one for the day.

Ok...

Suddenly it’s announced that the last transport has been cancelled due to unavoidable circumstances.

Oh! Gosh!

At that point an old friend comes along and says that she’s got transport waiting and helps you go home. In fact, on the way she gives you dinner and all of a sudden your mood lifts and you become happy again.

That will be good.

Or say the train is on a different platform. You were standing at a wrong one. You have five minutes to run across and catch that last train. You dash for it with all your might and run into the closing doors, panting away. Grab that, “I made it,” feeling.

Wow! That’s great.

Stick to those kinds of mood uplifts. Build energy with that. Always believe good things will happen to good people. It’s as simple as that.

I admire your attitude. In fact I’d like to get to know you better.

Thank you for your compliment. I’d be delighted to know you too.

              ******************

Hi, I heard you had several complaints on me?

Complaints? No, I have no complaints whatsoever.

How have you been?

I’m good. You?

Yeah, I’m very fine. Business is good. Life is great.

I’m glad. Good for you too. The reason for your sudden visit?

Well, I figured i owe you an apology. Please accept it. I shouldn’t have left the way i did.

Hmmm. I guess you do. But it doesn’t really matter. I knew it will end. We’re not birds of feathers. I hold no grudge.

Thanks. We can be friends though.

Yeah sure. We don’t have to keep in touch but when we do run into each other there’s no harm in saying a Hi! Or a bye!

You take care.

You too.

                    ****************

Believe that life goes on. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. God loves you. He will never let you down.

Saturn

Is the temple opening soon?

Don't you know, it's the eclipse today. The temple remains closed till tomorrow morning. Only the 9 planets area is open. And Saturn's temple is too. That stands on its own. You can pray there.

I guess i would do that. I need to talk to someone before i could gather the energy to go back home.

Ok. I will leave you to pray then.

Tq.

                                     *********

Are you done praying? I need to close the main gates.

Hmm. Sort of. Thank you for allowing me to pray.

Well, did Saturn answer your prayers?

I have just spoken to Him. I'd know the results only later.

Oh! I see. Could you tell me what's your bother? Who knows i might be able to help you.

I've been unwell. I've been unlucky. I feel I'm at the end of a tunnel.

How are you unwell? Some serious illness?

No, no! I've had a few miscarriages. The last one was quite severe. I lost a five month old foetus. It was the most difficult thing for me. I've lost three so far.

That must be awful. You should rest. Instead of sitting out on eclipse days.

I just finished my check up. At the hospital. The doctor just confirmed I'm pregnant again. I was afraid of another miscarriage. I came to speak to God.

What did you want to ask Him?

I asked Him to help me keep this baby. If this fails i asked Him to leave me barren. I can't manage this torture. The pain. The disappointment. The expectations of the family.

Hmm. Would you listen to my advise?

Anything.

You know Tulsi? The holy basil?

Yes.

Please get that in a few bunches. Every Saturday. Make a small garland out of it. Come put it for Saturn on every Saturday. He will help you with this pregnancy.

Are you sure?

Believing and not believing is in your hands. I'm just giving you the advise. I'm telling you this because you happen to pray to Saturn during the eclipse. It's believed that the strength of your prayers just now has multiple weight. Prayers in eclipse is powerful.

Ok i will do as you say. Thank you.

Its getting late. You should be moving. Before it gets dark.

Yes i will. Thank you again.

                                  *********
Hi!

Yes, hello.

I'm looking for someone whom i have met before. He is an old man and was in a dhoti. He had a brown bag with him.

I have no knowledge of such a person here. Are you sure you saw him here?

Yes. I saw him a few months ago. In the evening. I have been coming here in the mornings so i thought perhaps he comes here only in the evening.

I'm sorry. There has never been anyone with that description. I come here everyday.

Oh k. Thank you for your information.

Are you done with your prayers? Your baby is really cute.

Yes. I'm done. I was just looking for this man. To thank him. For a favor that he did for me.

I'm sorry. I'm unable to help you.

                                *******
Something to do while waiting at the Hertfordshire university. It seems to be a long wait.

Sour notes

It has been a long silence. Are you not ready to break it?
....

I’m hoping to patch things up. Make peace. Please say something.
....

I guess you don’t understand that as siblings we’re supposed to be the closest related blood relatives? This is the second strongest bond after a mother and child tie.
....

I wonder what is the issue between me and you. It will help if you explained the reason. Perhaps i can change my inadequacies to your expectations. Please say something. I’m at a loss.
....

I miss bonding with you and i cannot remember what i could have done to offend you. Please respond.
....

Do you believe that we’re going to become big failures without your support? And if we do fail, will that make you happy? Is this what family is all about?
....

It’s a pity you don’t want to answer any of my question. I guess i should just let go. Give up. Please contact me if you ever change your mind. Life is short. We might not remember this relationship in our next life.
....

Sigh...

Speculations

Hi

Hello

We saw you perform.

Which one is this? The temple at the waterfalls or the roadshow?

The temple show. Not the roadshow or the waterfalls. Guess we missed those.

Hmm. Yes. That was a small scaled one. For the new moon prayers.

Well, you sang well. Gave me goose bumps. The devotion is ecstatic.

Thank you. The girls are the better singers. Didn’t you hear them as well? They sang too.

Yes. They’re very good. I wonder why they’re not performing professionally. They can become stars.

I guess they’re waiting to settle down. There are goals to achieve. They don’t want to commit to anything now.

They are fabulous singers but i loved your songs. You’re more husky but you bring magic to the songs.

Thank you. I have injured my larynx. All the screaming in school while teaching. It’s the drums that make me perform. I drown in it and something happens. A semi trance kind of thing. Music does that. And of course, devotion. Aesthetic experience. Sometimes i do get this Susheela Raman feeling. ;)

I must mention the chemistry between you and the drummer. The way the two of you connect. That gives perfection to your songs.

Yes. It’s automatic. We just do it naturally.

You guys must be very close then. There are speculations about your relationship with your boys. I beg your pardon. It’s not my intention to bring this to your attention. Our conversation simply came to this. And i didn’t mean to pry into anyone’s life.

There’s nothing to be doubtful about. I’m aware of certain things for quite sometime. In fact for many years. I know of the backstabbing friends and relatives. I’ve absorbed these nonsense for almost 19 years. Since my widowhood.

I’m amazed you’re smiling. I was afraid you’d freak out, scream and ask me to get lost.

I’ve become distant from many things. Often I’m able to stand two steps away from trouble and evaluate issues. Anger is beyond me. Somewhere along my journey it died. There’s no fire in me. Just warmth. There’s love in abundance. And it’s uncontaminated by human perceptions and speculations.

Maybe we cannot condemn them for their assumptions. You are extremely close to them. They are obedient to you. They worship you.

How close can one be? How is your relationship with your child? That’s how close it is. A mother and child. Only i don’t have many dos and don’ts around them. I allow them to make mistakes.

Isn’t prevention better than cure? Shouldn’t you stop them from making mistakes?

If you do that, how will they know the difference between rights and wrongs?
Experiencing mistakes is the best lesson in life.

So you allow them to keep making mistakes? Wouldn’t that make them remorse free? They might imagine they can continue doing unlimited wrongs.

It’s not like that. Children around me are allowed to discover mistakes and then come unravel it with me. There’s no penalty for being careless. There’s no fines for anything. Whatever happens they are allowed to approach me and discuss it. They’re also forgiven.

Ahh! That does seem refreshing.

It is. They are comfortable with me because i don’t reprimand them unnecessarily. If i need to correct them i do it in a discussion mode. I counsel them. I don’t punish them. It’s all about diplomatic approach, with affection and love.

I see. How did you come across this?

I should relate two important incidents in my life. I often quote these two stories.

Yes, please do.

I had a student many years ago. He was a brilliant one. He was ten when i first saw him. He was extremely good in English. Later he became a good debater and an engineer. Victor.

Victor?

Yes. Victor. I knew him as Vicky. The best boy i have had the privilege to meet. I was very rigid then. I had many rules. He broke many. He taught me new things. On flexibility. On why children need not be punished. Children are the world’s best resource. Easily moulded. Cheapest resource with the best outcome.

Then...

The second incident. My late husband. I used to argue lots with him. I was sensitive. I would sulk for days. During one episode i was in a sulky mood for several days. I refused to bid him goodbye when he left to work on that particular day. He came back in a coffin.

Gosh! That must have been unbearable for you.

My regrets and remorse knew no end. But what has happened could not be turned around. Vicky was 14. He used to talk a lot about death. How it affects us and not actually those who leave. If someone dies it’s for a reason.

He was that wise at 14?

Too wise. He read the Ecclesiastic version to me. Jeremiah’s lamentations, excerpts from the Bible which had so many quotes on how God is love. True love doesn’t hurt.

Hmmm.

I didn’t really pay too much attention to it. I was filled with grief and an undetected post natal depression. I just played along to all his whims. Simply because i didn’t want to hurt him.

Such intelligence at that early age.

Later i discovered it was all for a reason. He was a great comfort. Whenever i wanted to cry, he’d give me his shoulder. He said a son is the greatest comfort to a mother and he discovered that because of me.

That’s very sweet of him.

He was the sweetest person I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. He had to move on to go to college. He would suddenly call me and tell me that this and that happened and check on how i was doing.

Hmmm..

Then he went to work. In 2007, I had to go to India for something. While there i received a call that Vicky had died in a car accident.

Ohh! I’m sorry about that.

After that i recalled all his preaching. Looked up the Ecclesiastic, the Bible, his notebook. For me he is the Betelgeuse Star. He will shine within me. I tried to implement what he wanted for kids.

Such a loss.

Yes it was. Even then, I heard some speculations on the level of my relationship with him. I ignored them. Grief overtook all other feelings.

We are surrounded by evil people, aren’t we. My grandmother would have said that worms should crawl out of these mouths.

Oh! God forbid! People’s ignorance are their burden to carry. We’re nobody to sentence them with anything. I believe even doing that is a sin. Do not do to others what you like not done to you. His words. Taken from the ten commandments.

I’m glad you’re clear on these matters. But it is not too smart to be too good. People would step on you. Take advantage.

I don’t have to be clear. I just need my heart to be light. I will not do anything which causes my heart to flutter in pain. Some have stepped on me. Took advantage. I absorbed it as lessons in life. I applied it as an experience. I too learn from my mistakes. I will also not associate myself with those who would hurt me in any way. I will slowly disentangle and move far away from those.

Hmmm. I’m glad i spoke to you. I was not influenced by anyone but it’s refreshing to know how you function. Keep up the good work. When i find problematic children, I will guide them to you.

They’re not problematic. They are children who face many challenges. Please do. I’m happy to help. Bye for now.

Bye.

Gratitude

I am free, I am happy and i am in London.

Walking the streets in Hatfield, familiarizing myself, or rather getting Ruby familiarized with the area, this wonderful thought struck me.

I cannot remember feeling free. I recall feeling short bursts of happiness. Short bursts aka short lived.

I must admit it’s an alien feeling. Yet, it’s also a million dollar experience.

I remember being very sick when i was a little girl. My sister at the Convent visited me and told me not to worry. St. Gabriel is just there looking out for little children.

Recently, a bout of pneumonia should have shaken me but according to my doctor what i had was just 10% impact from what he had seen with other patients.

I might be fully, overly grown but I’m still thinking St. Gabriel is around. Walking the English roads here gives a stronger feeling of Him.

I did think something out there is always looking out for me. Whether it’s the Betelgeuse star, the angels or God himself, it’s a marvellous emotion.

I guess there are guardian angels everywhere.

I keep looking at every chapel i see and i whisper thank you.

Yet to see a temple. I acknowledge nature as the most powerful temple. I salute it with a bow.