MAMEX

How are you mamex?

I'm not sure. I should be fine I guess. Considering the circumstances.

Can I ask you some questions please?

Sure. Fire on.

Why did you neglect me so much? Didn't you know I needed you? I waited for you day and night? You always kept me waiting. Didn't you know I was waiting? Didn't you know you were hurting me?

No, I didn't realise I was hurting you. I knew you would wait for me but I was more immersed in having my fun.I was happy enjoying myself. That enjoyment was all that mattered. At that time i didn't know...

You mean you didn't know how to be responsible? That you had a wife and children at home.

I was ignorant. I thought I had all the time in the world. I was selfish. I only thought of my happiness. I didn't know my happy go lucky attitude was giving you so much misery. It never crossed my mind. When I was out I only thought of my friends, the pleasure i got from the booze and the joy afterwards.

You forget I never lived my life. My prime years were lived in total despair. All wasted.

I am sorry. I wish I can make amends but it is too late now.

Do you know that I miss you, even till this very moment? We could have been the happiest couple, the best family if not for your reckless behaviour.

I really wish things didn't happen the way they did. It's not my fault.

Why did you die, Mamex?

I don't know! Maybe I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I just knew when i fell, I was going to die. The end has come. I have let you down. And there was no more second chances.

I wish you did not die. You left me stranded. You left me in open grounds. After the funeral, when I was admitted for delivery, they were giving me anesthetics, at that moment, I prayed hard. Dear God, please take me away. I don't want to open my eyes after this! God did not listen to me. Here I am, having this delusional chat with you after 19 years!  Many people have hurt me. You gave people room to step on me. They broke me to pieces. Even when I was down shattered and in pieces some continued stepping on me. I have been crushed, squeezed, destroyed.

I wish I can reach out and console you. I can't. But do you know I have always been looking out for you? I am your guardian angel.

I guess I know that. But I still wish you were around. I am tired of being hurt. I don't have anyone to protect me. I'm tired of doing all the work. I'm tired of shouldering all the responsibilities. I wish you could take half my trouble. Share half my load. Your recklessness had destroyed my life. I'm just carrying on in the name of survival.

Don't you know you are very good at survival? You are doing well. I will always wish you well.

It's easy for you to say. You're not in my shoes. Sometimes I wish the situation was reversed. I wonder how you would have coped.

Life goes on. You have to go on. Everything will be fine. Believe in yourself. Don't depend on anyone! I have to go.  Take care of yourself. Remember I live in our children. And I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

I will always miss you, Mamex. Rest in peace.