Ironic tyranny

hello.. hello? Who's there?

.... Hello... It's me!

Yes?

I called to say I'm sorry.

Sorry? What are you sorry about now?

I'm sorry I don't listen to you. I'm sorry I'm very rude to you. I know you have given me a lot. My life is perfect because of you. Yet sometimes it's not enough. When I realise that i become angry. Somehow you become my victim. Because when you say something you are always right. And I hate that. Truth is often bitter.

I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for enlightening you about the bitterness of this life. I often wish I could camouflage you from life's arrows. To protect you from its disappointments. But I fail. Simply because you don't understand my warnings. You only realise it after you experience your mistakes. There is no perfection. You need to accept that.

I don't know. I still hope to find it, one day.

If you find that perfect happiness, I'd be the happiest person in the world. I'd be happy for your happiness.

I know that. You were right you know. In fact you're always right. If I had listened to you half my miseries would be non existent.

Sometimes experience becomes your best teacher. Remember to keep every lesson learned as life's precious teachings.

Perhaps but to think that I could have spared myself some misery. Sigh!

Don't waste time on regrets. Be thankful for what we have. Thank God for giving us eyes that could see, ears that can hear, legs that can walk, hands that can work and mouth that can speak. Use it well. With this we can do anything in this world. Just remember before you leap, look! Remember the reaction which might follow your action. If you do this life will be swell.

I hope I can do that. I really wish you are not hurt by me. By my words.

No, I'm not hurt. I have renounced some of life's pleasures. I believe by doing this I have become immune to many ill attacks. There is not much out there which can harm me in any way.  I do get tired though but I try my best to pick myself up and be on standby mode. In case, you need me. And I will always wish you well. Simply because I get afraid that my tears might harm you. 

I know that. Thank you Amma. For not saying, "I told you so, or serve you right!" It would have made my life more miserable.

I do believe you have your own pain and pleasure. It is your experience. I can advise you but it is your life that you live. I don't live yours and you don't live mine. My little hope that you don't get hurt too much.

Sound of silence

You are very quiet.

I'm sitting in silence.

Why?

I'm communicating with it.

How can you speak to silence?

You don't speak. You listen.

Oh! What do you hear?

It depends on where i am. When I'm in temple i listen to God.

What does He say?

He doesn't! He listens.

You said..

Today i told Him i need peace. I need to break free from expectations. I need to unlatch myself from certain needs.

Everyone needs peace. Everyone has issues.

But He listened. He attached little wings to my heart. My heart was lifted by the wings and it started to float. It went out of my body. It started dancing.

Oh, can that really happen?

It doesn't.

Oh, gosh! You contradict yourself. What's bothering you really?

There are things. Recently someone ran away with some money. Quite a large portion.

That's terrible.

It's not the end of the world for me. I figured if he ran with it, he's desperate for it. There must be a reason why he did it. But it's not the same with everyone else. They jump. They are angry.

That's acceptable. Considering the circumstances.

I felt resigned. I felt acceptance. That makes me out of their orbit and so they're angry with me as well. For me money is a lot of papers exchanged from one to another.

Money is important.

Yes it is. If you decide it is. If you think too big. If you want to live in a quiet calm manner you would not bother about it too much.

Can you do that in this current world?

I try. But I'm trapped. I have to cater to the needs of all the individual around me. I have to often do what i don't really like.... Then they found the person who ran away.

Oh! Then..

It was a big battle. I was astounded watching everyone's reaction. I really didn't want to be there. Everyone was hungry for money.

Then...

Money was split and everyone left. I sat in the office for a while before i could move. I don't want to be a part of this package. Yet, it's not time for me to leave this circus.

Hmmm. I wish i could help you.

There's nothing anyone can do. Each of our problem must be solved by only us. We must deal with our own dirty linens. Please carry on with your stuff. I'm going to sit by myself for a while more. Thank you for your time.

Henry

There have been a few prominent Henrys in my life. The very first i knew of was my great grandfather Henry Wickrama Suriya. Then i read about that many Henry in literature.

The most important Henry came much later. He is my dance instructor. He's an excellent dancer. His lithe movements are admirable. Often enviable too.

Nothing extraordinary happened with Henry. I made a discovery. Recently my group was upgraded from beginners to bronze level.

This doesn't mean that we have become superfluous Latin dances, we're still moving with two left foot, sometimes.

Bronze level requires more difficult steps. We dance with a partner. I get to dance with Henry about three times every class.

Often when he turns me around I'd move with a slight 'ouch'. Sometimes at a New York turn i turn red. With my complexion i do wonder red is the correct term but Henry did say I'm turning red and obviously there's something wrong with the move.

As expected i explained to him about my frozen shoulders. How in 1988 i fell during a headstand in gymnastics and hurt my neck.

Then in 2012 i approved myself to take sleeping pills and antidepressants. This triggered my left shoulder to freeze.

In 2015 another bout of antidepressants and sleeping pills brought on the frozen pinge to my right shoulder.

Orthopedics had declared both ulnar nerves on both shoulders are permanently damaged.

But karate training requires both hands, shoulders and legs. I still trained. There was pain. I do believe at times I'm a masochistic. I believe physical pain eradicates inner pain.

Henry told me something. No nerve has the right to die. You just have to make it function. Since then I've been following his advise. Regular exercise. On the arm. Yoga.

Nowadays i forget my arms are faulty.  It's healing very well. Somehow solutions come from somewhere. Somehow. I believe the system works for me.

Recently i discovered too that to retain sanity one has to renounce certain things. First i renounced the Facebook then my job. Now I've rejected the emails. Soon I'd get rid of my telephone and find peace.

I'd say the root of all troubles are human beings and their many selfish tricks.

Then again I'd sit and wonder if this is really it. There are no answers.

ulasan upsr contoh

Wujud kekeliruan dalam mentafsirkan soalan ulasan. Menulis ulasan dalam bentuk perenggan ditafsirkan sebagai menulis ulasan dalam satu perenggan. Sesiapa yang arif tentang isu ini harap beri penjelasan. Terima kasih.

Berdasarkan gambar
Antaranya
Selain itu
Seterusnya
Di samping itu
Akhir sekali, Kesimpulannya, Tuntasnya

Makan makanan berkhasiat

Berdasarkan gambar kita haruslah makan makanan yang berkhasiat. Makanan yang berkhasiat ialah makanan yang mengandungi karbohidrat, protein, vitamin dan mineral. Antara makanan tersebut ialah roti, nasi, ikan, ayam, telur dan buah-buahan. Selain itu, kita patut mengurangkan makanan yang tidak berkhasiat kerana makanan ini tidak baik untuk kesihatan kita. Makanan tidak berkhasiat mengandungi kolesterol atau kandungan gula yang tinggi. Makanan yang tidak baik untuk kesihatan ialah makanan yang bersantan, bergoreng dan makanan yang terlalu manis. Kesimpulannya pemakanan yang seimbang dapat memberi zat dan vitamin yang cukup untuk tubuh kita.

Gaya hidup sihat

Berdasarkan poster kita haruslah mempraktikkan gaya hidup yang sihat. Antara gaya hidup yang sihat ialah makan makanan seimbang. Makanan seimbang adalah pemakanan makanan berkhasiat iaitu makan makanan yang mengandungi karbohidrat, protein, vitamin dan mineral. Selain itu kita perlulah bersenam setiap hari. Bersenam setiap hari akan menjadikan kita aktif dan cergas. Seterusnya  tidur yang cukup penting untuk hidup dengan sihat. Kita perlulah tidur sekurang-kurangnya selama lapan jam sehari. Ini akan memastikan kita tidak lesu dan penat semasa belajardi sekolah. Di samping itu kita wajar menjaga kebersihan diri kita dengan mandi bersabun serta menjaga kebersihan rambut dan kuku. Kita juga boleh mengikut aktiviti rekreasi pada masa lapang. Ini akan menjadikan kita hidup tanpa tekanan.Kesimpulannya kita patut mengamalkan gaya hidup yang sihat untuk hidup dengan cergas dan sejahtera.

Cara-cara mengeratkan hubungan kekeluargaan

Hubungan kekeluargaan yang baik dan erat akan mewujudkan sebuah keluarga yang harmoni. Antara cara mengeratkan hubungan kekeluargaan ialah setiap anggota keluarga perlu saling menyayangi antara satu sama lain. Perasaan kasih sayang akan mengeratkan hubungan. Selain itu anggota keluarga juga perlu saling menghormati antara satu sama lain. Seterusnya, sikap bekerjasama dan saling membantu akan mewujudkan hubungan erat dan harmoni. Di samping itu, ibu bapa perlu menunjukkan teladan yang baik kepada anak-anak. Sudah tentu hubungan antara anggota keluarga akan terjalin baik sekiranya ibu bapa menunjukkan sikap terpuji di hadapan anak-anak mereka. Tuntasnya, apabila semua keluarga harmoni mewujudkan masyarakat sejahtera.

Gotong royong

Aktiviti gotong royong merupakan aktiviti kemasyarakatan yang harus disertai oleh penduduk di sesuatu kawasan. Aktiviti tersebut membawa banyak kebaikan.

Antaranya dapat mengeratkan hubungan penduduk di sesuatu kawasan. Selain itu, semasa aktiviti gotong royong dijalankan penduduk dapat beramah mesra dan berkenalan antara satu sama lain.

Seterusnya, aktiviti gotong royong juga dapat membersihkan kawasan perumahan. Di samping itu, ini dapat mengurangkan pembiakan nyamuk Aedes.

Tuntasnya, kawasan tempat tinggal yang bersih dan ceria akan mewujudkan suasana hidup yang harmoni dan selesa.

RICHARD NORRIS

Frustration is when I launder clothes efficiently but still find clothes all over the place.
Frustration is when plates keep accumulating even though I keep washing them.
Frustration is when the shower cream finishes and I find the bottle empty till I choose to replenish it. Same goes for the other house chores, empty tooth paste tubes, detergents etc etc
Frustration builds when I continue doing three, four to five digits transactions for people who don't really seem to acknowledge nor appreciate it.

I think to myself whether I am going to continually burn myself and disintegrate with these exasperation? How do I reject this vexed, annoyed feeling? Do I shun all the lazy people around me?

If leadership by example should win the case, I should be on cloud nine.  Nothing seems to happen as it should. Lackadaisical characters seem to rule the current world.

I sat planning on how I can take flight from this environment. Perhaps when I'm not here people might learn to function. Perhaps, Maybe, Possibly!

People don't stop in amazing me. Their selfish attitude! I need a break!

I could go to Amsterdam, to my friend Tamar's horse farm. I could go to Jaffna, to my beloved people's home. I could go to Coimbatore, to Sadhguru's ashram. Great ideas to execute! Where is the time? How do I shun my commitments and those hopeful people around me? There seem to be no loophole.

When this kind of mood sets in, I resort to books, magazines, pamphlets. Anything as a form of diversion. I noticed a distorted picture of a person. It was not something which you would want to look at for a long time. Normally, usually, definitely I'd always skip scary stuff but his eyes prompted me to read on.

Richard Norris. Armed Forces. Injured in gun accident. Face totally distorted. Face transplant.

Face transplant? How in the world that's possible?

For those who want to know about Richard Norris please read on from, 'THE NEW FACE of RICHARD NORRIS' by Jeanne Marie Laskas. Her article is complete. I don't want to reduce the effect with my own attempt.

What I gained from reading about him is that the world is filled with lots of issues. No one is spared from the many challenges.

I decided I am grateful for what I have. At the same time I am going to make it livable. My life is in my hands.

Those hell givers? I just have to steer clear, far, far, far away from them.

I'm already listing out places that I should and would go.

Life is precious. I'm going to live it well.

இதுவும் கடந்து செல்லும்

 சில நாட்களாக, இதயத்தை நசுக்கி, பிழியும் வலியிடம் சொன்னேன், உனக்கு எது தோன்றுகிறதோ அதை செய்! உன்னை நான் உணர போவதில்லை.

இதை மென்று விழுங்கி விட முயற்சித்தேன், முயற்சி திருவினையாகவில்லை!

இந்த வலி தானாக காணாமல் போய்விடும் என்று நம்புகிறேன்.

ஒவ்வொரு நொடி நகர்ந்தால் நிமிடங்கள் வரும். நிமிடங்களைக் கடந்தால் மணித்துளிகள் நகரும். ஒவ்வொரு நாளையும் இப்படியே வாழ்ந்திட வேண்டும். 

இந்த வரிசையில் மாதங்கள் வருடங்களாகிவிட வேண்டும்.

வாழ்க்கை ஓடி விட வேண்டும்.

பின் நோக்கும் போது, ஒரு நாள் இந்த துன்பங்களைத் துறந்து விட்டேன் என்று எண்ண வேண்டும். 

ஏதோ ஒரு நாள், வாழ்க்கையை நினைத்து நிறைவடைய வேண்டும். 

நிறைவு அடையும்போது மீண்டும் இந்த துன்பங்களைத் தானே தேடிப் போக கூடாது என்ற தெளிவும் பெற வேண்டும். 

ஷாந்தி! ஷாந்தி!

MAMEX

How are you mamex?

I'm not sure. I should be fine I guess. Considering the circumstances.

Can I ask you some questions please?

Sure. Fire on.

Why did you neglect me so much? Didn't you know I needed you? I waited for you day and night? You always kept me waiting. Didn't you know I was waiting? Didn't you know you were hurting me?

No, I didn't realise I was hurting you. I knew you would wait for me but I was more immersed in having my fun.I was happy enjoying myself. That enjoyment was all that mattered. At that time i didn't know...

You mean you didn't know how to be responsible? That you had a wife and children at home.

I was ignorant. I thought I had all the time in the world. I was selfish. I only thought of my happiness. I didn't know my happy go lucky attitude was giving you so much misery. It never crossed my mind. When I was out I only thought of my friends, the pleasure i got from the booze and the joy afterwards.

You forget I never lived my life. My prime years were lived in total despair. All wasted.

I am sorry. I wish I can make amends but it is too late now.

Do you know that I miss you, even till this very moment? We could have been the happiest couple, the best family if not for your reckless behaviour.

I really wish things didn't happen the way they did. It's not my fault.

Why did you die, Mamex?

I don't know! Maybe I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I just knew when i fell, I was going to die. The end has come. I have let you down. And there was no more second chances.

I wish you did not die. You left me stranded. You left me in open grounds. After the funeral, when I was admitted for delivery, they were giving me anesthetics, at that moment, I prayed hard. Dear God, please take me away. I don't want to open my eyes after this! God did not listen to me. Here I am, having this delusional chat with you after 19 years!  Many people have hurt me. You gave people room to step on me. They broke me to pieces. Even when I was down shattered and in pieces some continued stepping on me. I have been crushed, squeezed, destroyed.

I wish I can reach out and console you. I can't. But do you know I have always been looking out for you? I am your guardian angel.

I guess I know that. But I still wish you were around. I am tired of being hurt. I don't have anyone to protect me. I'm tired of doing all the work. I'm tired of shouldering all the responsibilities. I wish you could take half my trouble. Share half my load. Your recklessness had destroyed my life. I'm just carrying on in the name of survival.

Don't you know you are very good at survival? You are doing well. I will always wish you well.

It's easy for you to say. You're not in my shoes. Sometimes I wish the situation was reversed. I wonder how you would have coped.

Life goes on. You have to go on. Everything will be fine. Believe in yourself. Don't depend on anyone! I have to go.  Take care of yourself. Remember I live in our children. And I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

I will always miss you, Mamex. Rest in peace.

HOW DID I LOSE YOU

When are you coming back?

I haven't left. I'm still here. I never left.

But, you're not WITH me!

Who's fault is that? You bulldozed us out. We found us a home. We needed peace.

You could have given me a chance. I would have changed.

I gave you 12 years. You did not even realise you were doing anything wrong. You were busy correcting us. Anyone can make mistakes. Correction should not hurt. It should not be violent. No one should cause pain to another. It is very wrong.

I have changed now. Please come back.

I have changed too. I prefer to be on my own. I like my own space. I am still here, no? I still see you. I help you with all that you do. Your empire has grown. I am happy to help you too. I learn new things. And I know you are unguided. I know you need my help. I have my long list of agenda. I'm only quarter way towards fulfilling it.

You can do it with me. I have changed. I will not stop you. I will not disturb you.

Would you be able to tolerate 30 school kids walking in and out of the house? Can you accept the toilet becoming dirty and soiled after they use it? Could you be tolerant of foreign women walking in and out of your house? You would say that they smell. You would feel your house has become smelly. I will not take the risk of you hurting any one of my people.

I miss you. I want you to be around more.

I'm sorry I don't miss you. I don't need a companion anymore. People around me are great company. My companions are always careful. They don't hurt me in anyway. We are always cautious never to hurt anyone. Not with words. Not with gestures. Not with actions. This is the kind of world I want to live in. Some of my people are war victims. I do not want to remind them of pain and hurt in anyway. I want them to feel peace and happiness.

I'm miserable without you.

I'm sorry that you are. I am your friend. I can talk to you when I'm free. I will help you when you need help, when I can. I will no longer rip myself from what I'm doing and run to your beck and call. I will not trap myself within that torture. Life was a nightmare. I lived in fear. You were like a big monster then. I'm glad you are calmer and reachable now. In some ways that is good for you too. Your anger is no longer triggered by us. You have your space. You have your peace. I pray you find your happiness in whichever way you want. I hope your misery is reduced and soon erased. Our life is beautiful. It is totally in our hands to be happy. It is our right to be free. Discovering that our lives are in our hands is the biggest discovery. Cherish this life. Stop complaining. Breathe in the lovely air and say thank you that there are no bullets flying over our heads. Thank our lucky stars that we are free to walk as we please. Look at the greenery around us. Admire the flowers. Fulfill what you want to do. Live your life.

How did I lose you?

You never owned me to lose me. I am my very own soul. My very own body. I am mine. My mind, body, heart and soul are totally mine. I belong to myself. You belong to yourself. Accept this. This is the very first step.

Can I wait for you?

Please don't waste even a single second waiting for anything. Continue doing one thing after another. Overlap one activity with another. You will discover the many hidden beauties within you. Unleash your talents. Discover the undiscovered potentials. There is a sea of undiscovered mysteries within yourself.

I would like to spend some time with you.

There are things that we can do together. Come meet me at the gym. We can have training together. We can chat a bit after that. You can join me in the temple. Providing you do not criticize or scare my companions. We can take it from there. I'm open to good company.

Thank you.

Please don't thank me I'm not doing you a favor. We are family. We can give and take to the best level that we can. As long as I'm doing what I want and I am happy. As long as peace is with me. As long as people around me are happy. I have to go. We will catch up again soon. Take care of yourself. Bye.  

Vows to live a better life

I am meeting my Prof today.I am filled with mixed feelings. It has been a clean seven months since I have been off my medication. For previous appointments I cannot really remember how I felt. I had been muddled and confused.

I remember though sitting dreadfully,waiting for my turn. I would watch people there.Looking at some very unwell people, I would think I am not that sick after all.

But the inability to get up and face daily life definitely indicated some sort of trouble. The attempts to end my life had been there too. So, I guess I did need some kind of professional help.

I do know that even at that time I figured out that the cause of my breakdowns is the many gimmicks of people. Currently, the world is filled with selfish people.Some step on you. Some unknowingly. Some purposefully. Even those who stepped on me accidentally and then discovered their folly did not bother to make amends. They just moved on because there were big things happening in their life.

I do remember the name callings though. Psycho! 'Manndai Ohdi'! 'Chau Toot' :- that's mad in Chinese.

One particular group even said that I am pretending in order to escape work.

Those who disappeared from my line of view have reappeared now. I remember them too. I do not shun  them. They do not know I remember their tactics. But i do. I keep very minimal  careful contact.

Standing, sitting, walking, working, dancing  sleeping or whatever i do, I just do it to my best.

I stop to smell the flowers not because i want to but because i should in order to live well.

At times i drag a disoriented old man to the hair saloon and give him a well deserved haircut.

Occasionally i bring an unorganized lady to the spa. I spend a few hours of time with her and teach her some lessons on basic hygiene.

These relationships are touch and go. So far I've not met those people again. In some ways i prefer this.

I find that j'adore to be my most favorite fragrant. I  can live with it forever but if i don't get that bottle of parfum, it gets discontinued or what i have breaks to evaporate into thin air, I'd accept it as its meant to be.

Its going to be the same with people, I hope. If someone disappears from my life i hope to accept it as its meant to happen. I should embrace those around me and do my best for them.

This is how i have concluded that life should be.

This doesn't mean I'm on cloud nine. I have my miseries. Knowing I'm not going to break down is what's keeping me going.

Knowing that i have the capacity to realize i should survive gives me the strength and belief i will make it.

Though i prefer living a reclusive life, for now my commitments require me to keep in touch with community.

Its actually a facade. I'm just waiting for time to break free. To flee this congested lifestyle.

To listen to silence as to what silence dictates to me.

I do realize that i have turned out to be a positive force. Those who are with me are there for a reason. Those who lost me are just passing clouds

My Prof is one of the most important person to pull me out of my self dug dungeon. I came out coated in self attached debris. I'm still in the midst of cleaning them up.

I know every mess that I might get into is my responsibility. It's up to me not to get into it in the first place.

That makes life simple.

God bless Prof and his staff for all their kindness.

Sitting here now, it's good to be able to look at things with a different perspective.

Great to be a visitor rather than a patient. 

another conversation

hi

hello

how are you doing?

not too good. something happened this morning.

what happened? if you don't mind sharing your story.

My son hit me this morning.

Oh, gosh! why?

He came home very late. he refused to get up for class this morning. i forced him to get up. he screamed at me and when i continued pestering him. he hit me then.

did he go to class?

nope. i ended up getting hurt.

did you see a doctor? do you need any treatment?

no, i'm not really hurting physically. i'm hurt internally. i keep asking myself. where did i go wrong? i have been working very hard to bring these kids up. why are they like this?

you can't blame yourself for other people's attitude. children change as they grow up. they get influenced by their surroundings and friends. they like to have entertainment. with the presence of the gadgets they get easy access to all kinds of fun. they don't like to work hard. they want an easy life.

yes. he stole money from me. he bought himself a smartphone. he's usually out. when he's home he's inside his phone. when i question him he answers me rudely that he'd do as he wishes. he also demands for money. every time i don't give him, he steals from me. he fights with me. my life is miserable.

what do you think you want to do?

i'm lost. what can i do? I'm helpless. what can i do?

you have to be careful with money. don't keep money around the house. safeguard yourself. don't fight with him. organise yourself. live your life well. your son will learn his responsibilities.

he doesn't clean his room. his clothes are not washed. i end up doing his laundry. i have to wash his bathroom. i must clean his room. otherwise the house is a mess.

you see, these are the things that you shouldn't do. he should clean up after himself. he should organise himself. leave the mess till he cleans up. he would never change unless you put your foot down. if he becomes violent ask him to leave.

i wish he would change. his brothers are also following his ways.

you have to set some rules. house rules that they must follow. curfew time. if they are not willing to listen put your foot down. don't use physical pressure. restrict them with expenses. if they don't listen cut their allowance. these steps will ensure some discipline in them.

thank you miss. i will try my best.

you take care now. come see me next week. we'd talk some more. bye   

SPM English Literature - A POISON TREE- just a review from my point of understanding

The Charge of the Light Brigade, The Living Photograph, What has Happened to Lulu?, A Poison Tree
Tanjong Rhu, Leaving, The Right Thing To Do, Dear Mr. Kilmer

For a fixed 15 marks, students need to read all the texts.  How much time allocated for all these, between files, courses, meetings and other aspects like directed, continuous writing, grammar and summary practice is a big question by itself. Any one excerpt can be questioned so this batch is going to be facing another high jump soon. 

To help my students understand and tackle the various needs of the literature paper, i have read the needed books and am trying to dissect and understand the literal and figurative meanings of the said  literary products.

William Blake was an English poet, painter and print maker who lived from 28 November, 1757 to 12 August, 1827. One of his well known poem is ' A Poison Tree'.

This poem is about anger. The anger is directed at someone and keeping it until it becomes an obsession. The poem is written from the first person point of view. The persona talks about anger issues within him. When he is angry with a friend, he settles the misunderstanding by talking to him but when he is angry with an enemy he does not attempt to settle the issue. He allows the feeling of anger to fester within himself. He doesn't do anything to solve the problem and pretends that everything is fine. He feeds his anger intensely, daily till it literally grows into a 'poison tree' or an apple tree which bears a poisonous apple. The poisoned apple is the consumed hatred of the persona. It is a fruit of evil digestion. The fruit appear to become a bait to the foe. Death in the poem indicate that the enemy suffers severe consequences when he attempts to retaliate to the persona's bait.  

We can say that William Blake choice of the apple compared to other fruits is brilliant and full of significance because it is easily identified especially in the terms of the Bible. The apple here is considered poisonous just as how it was forbidden to Adam and Eve. This is easily digestible as William Blake is religious and the apple could be referenced on how Adam was tempted to eat it. This seems suitable as it is tempting to dwell and think of revenge although many things can be dealt with in other ways. This poem deals with anger. It is indirectly advising that anger is unhealthy to a person.

When one is angry it is alright to face it and be angry for a while. To deny this emotion is just as bad as hiding it. However after an appropriate length of time, common sense should be applied and anger should be resolved. One should consider whether it is making you a better person. if the answer is no, then clear steps need to be taken to address it such as talking to someone about it. Coming to terms that even though there can be nothing done by the other party to make you feel better or to simply learn to let go and move on with life are other ways of coming to terms with anger.

Of course we can visit counselors and psychologists to sort anger professionally. When keeping negative emotions bottled up, hormones become imbalanced. This can cause ill effects to health. Humans are creatures of huge emotions and these feelings need an outlet. Negative emotions such as anger can be like a boiling kettle where the steam has to be released or the kettle will explode, damaging the kettle and at the same time hurting others.It is proven medically that people who get angry often fall sick often. One should have recreational pastimes to balance stress from work and home.

The setting is the persona's workplace and house, time is from a few days to weeks
 themes are holding back feelings of anger, releasing one's anger, lies, deceits and evil ways
language and style simple language yet difficult to understand at one read,
tone and mood is sad, angry and serious
poetic devices such as sound devices; alliteration, assonance,
literary devices; symbol, imagery, repetition, irony, personification, contrast,simile, metaphor and diction aspects need not be deeply scrutinized as this might not be an essay question but no harm in reading and understanding all the elements.

This is a review from my point of view. It might be added or edited later if I find other views at other frequent reading.

If one should need help with this poem, feel free to contact me. You can email me at eaglez121@yahoo.com

Fairy stepfather

Out of the blue, we decided that we should visit the fairy stepfather. It has been quite a while since we set foot there.

I stepped into the house with heart pounding, feeling restless and a little disturbed, sensing past happenings.

This had been an unhappy house. I can still remember the many times we were traumatized with the many verbal and physical abuse.

The screaming, crying and the many escapes we made. Hiding in basements and running out in the middle of the night, hoping to hail a cab and just go somewhere where there would be peace.

At that juncture, I could understand how Jack would have felt when the giant was after him.

Today, this house reminded me of the story, 'A rose for Emily' by William Faulkner.

 That tangy unlooked after smell of poor ventilation drifted into the nostrils the minute i snapped out of my past reveries.

After inspecting the area, we decided to make some changes.

A short drive to the nearby AEON outlet helped us to get some stuffs.

After an hour of quick work we managed to create a better scenario from before.

Tomorrow a plumber and serviceman have been appointed to do more work. We'd supervise of course.

One would wonder why our character is termed as the fairy stepfather and not the evil stepfather.

Simply because he has stopped being evil. It could be a temporary breakthrough. He might reappear but i doubt we're going to give him the opportunity.

I often wonder how lucky we have been to stand where we are now. The changes just happened with the help of some good Samaritans, lawmakers and a bit of luck.

 While dusting, cleaning and dumping dust filled blankets and towels into the unused washing machine we listened to the radio.

There was this Happy Father's Day advertisements being repeated on and off.

It was a lovely coincidence.

We threw away old pillows. Replaced them with new ones. We also got a new blanket and comforter.

Once the room got completed fairy stepfather walked in and commented, "Hey, I'm no longer that angry man!"

Then the other coincidence sank in. I must say all of us had a good laugh!! ;)

உன்னை துறந்த எனக்கு எதையும் துறக்க முடியும்.

திடீரென ஒரு ஞாபகம். அந்த பெட்டி. அதில் இருந்த அந்த உடல். மெய் சிலிர்த்து நின்றேன். கண்கள் கலங்கின.

இந்த வலி ஒரு நாள் முற்றும் தொலைந்து போகும் என்று  நம்பினேன். அப்படி நடந்ததாக தெரியல.

இறப்பு மட்டும் துன்பத்தை கொடுப்பது இல்லை. பொறுப்புக்கள், உறவுகள் எதிர்ப்பார்ப்புக்கள், ஏமாற்றங்கள் இவைகள் எல்லாம் துன்பத்தைத் தரும்.

துன்பத்தில் இருந்து தப்பிக்க துறவறம் நல்ல வழினு நிறைய யோசித்து இருக்கிறேன். அதுவும் உண்மை இல்லை.

பொறுப்புக்களை துறக்க முடியாது.
உறவுகளையும் துறக்க முடியாது.
எதிர்ப்பார்ப்புக்களைத் துறக்கலாம் அதனால் ஏமாற்றங்கள் துறந்து போகும்.

இதில் நான் கண்டு பிடித்தது என்னவென்றால்;
உன்னை துறந்த எனக்கு எதையும் துறக்க முடியும், உயிர் உட்பட பெரிதாக தெரியல.

உபபிரதி 1 - translation BOX :- SHOBASAKTHI

Naachiyaar, the Liberation Tigers' female warrior had been arrested alive by the military force during battle. Those days, the military force  purposefully targetted the Tigers' female fighters during attacks. At the point of arrest, prisoner Naachiyaar was barely 15. During custody, she was carried from one barrack to another by the soldiers. She was abused for two whole days. There were two big sores at the place of her nipples. She was lying in a semi conscious state within the sandy confinement of the military guardhouse, attempting to cover her pubic area, groaning in pain, in vain.

On the dawn of the third day, a young officer splashed sea water on her face. The pain which sprouted from the salt water hitting the bruised spots of her face made her writhe and wriggle. At that moment the officer shed his clothes, knelt beside her and sat down. He lifted her and laid her on his lap. He stared into her eyes. Her eyes drooped. He forced open her lids. He wanted her to observe his nudity. Her lips twitched at the sight. She opened her mouth and twirled her tongue slowly. "Amma" she moaned. Her tears wet the soldier's nudity.

On the third evening, the soldiers made her naked state stand upright on a dune. The fact that she could stand was astounding. The army force lined behind her while Naachiyaar stood facing the narrowed edge of Nanthikkadal. On the other side stood her people. She probably hoped that she would be able to make an escape to the other side. She gave a sharp look towards the opposite end. There, Naatchiyaar saw her people hovering restlessly. She stood immobile. At that moment, a torrent of Sinhalese speech burst through a hailer towards the Tigers.

                     "We have just skinned a Tiger. If you want to know about our manliness, you can ask her."

Upon hearing these words, the little girl spread her fingers to cover her pubic area and bosom. A moment of happiness sparkled from within. She felt peace realising that her folks now knew she was standing there. She did not doubt for a moment that the hailer's sound might have not reached across. She could see the tormented people attempting means to save her. She could also hear Tigers making announcements to those desperate people. The Tigers could see this little girl clearly, through a set of binoculars. They were consumed by indescribable rage and anger. Anguished tears filled their eyes.

The soldiers' obscenities and teasing slapped her ears. Across, the Tigers' vehicles were appearing and disappearing at an amazing rate. The water area was only a few hundred metres' distance. She decided to get into the water and try to walk across. It did not matter to her that the army might shoot her from the back. She did not mind, as she believed  her body would drift towards her land. With death she thought that her naked body will finally be engulfed and wrapped with the magnificent red, yellow flag of the Tigers. Dusk was slowly approaching. The moon was climbing upwards, out of the sea.

She waited for more darkness to fall. She did not want her nudity to be fully exposed to her people. She was waiting to wade across the lake water in darkness. If she made it alive to her land, Naachiyaar vowed to visit her mother immediately.

Darkness descended to a certain level yet she could still decipher the outlines of people from across. At that moment, she heard the Tiger's General's shout of order to attack. Two Tamil Tiger fighters got into the lake waters.The soldiers from this side took their charge in between shouting and screaming. The soldiers' attention was fully focused on the approaching Tiger soldiers. No one seemed to notice Naachiyaar.

The two tigers who walked into the waters got into a motored small canoe. As the lake was shallow, the canoe moved in a slow, transcendental movement. When the canoe reached midway of the lake, the general shouted his orders. The soldiers ran and slouched flat on the grounds copying the flight of a sea crow. Naachiyaar could understand all the movements of the soldiers. She also knew that when the Tigers' canoe closed in, the soldiers had strong arrangements to crush them.She raised her voice to alert a warning to the forward moving Tigers. She believed her hoarse voice would be carried by the wind . "Go back", she shouted. The wind carried her voice along its way.

The Tigers' canoe slowed down as it reached the centre point of the lake and came to a complete standstill. With half closed eyes, Naachiyaar heaved a sigh of relief . Her bruised naked body felt consoled with the tender blowing of the evening sea breeze. The canoe which stood still, made a semicircle turn with a roaring tone. The Tiger fighter climbed up and stood with legs planted firmly on the front of the canoe. The other fighter carried an RPG rocket launcher and gave it to him. The Tiger fighter fixed the launcher carefully on his shoulders.

The soldiers dived and slumped into the man made holes. Those standing guard high up on security towers leaped down to the ground and slouched inside the holes. The Tiger fighter aimed and fired the rocket. His aim did not miss. Naachiyaar who stood on the dune blew up into particles. Her nudity was now consumed by the enraged flames.

The Tigers canoe fled with unbelievable speed towards the other side. The soldiers ploughed the lake with numerous bombs. However, both the Tiger fighters reached the banks without a scratch. The fighter who launched the rocket collapsed tiredly on the bank while the other sat motionless beside him with an empty, expressionless stare. With chest heaving up and down, the one lying on the sand patted his friend's hand, while looking at the sky and said:

"We must inform Naachiyaar's mother that her daughter had just died a heroic death" Hot tears were streaming down his cheeks.

The one seated beside him whispered softly, "I'm not coming!"

இரண்டாம் கதை- translation - my own attempt- BOX :- SHOBASAKTHI

Our eyes have dimmed simply hoping and waiting  wastefully for remuneration to come. We were waiting hopelessly for a heartless race to the rescue.

Our freedom to move along our own corridors had been jeopardized when our trails were abolished and destroyed. Our end fast materialising. Our days concluded. Our end has come.
     
                                                                                                             Jeremiah's Fourth Lamentations

Though these words doesn't directly quote the words of Jeremiah, it still reflects futile, dire predicaments of people involved in war.

I did not expect to find Jeremiah's Lamentations to be in BOX. 

I get more and more amazed with this mode of writing.

he cheated me, he cheated me not!

The below conversation is from a psychological counseling session.

Hi, how are you today?

I'm not good. he cheated me you know? And she started crying.

Who cheated you? How?

Between sobs,

He was my friend, mentor and the love of my life!

And?

In the beginning, he promised me the whole universe. He was loving and kind. Then suddenly he started ignoring me. When I tried calling him he was reluctant to talk. He was distant. I kept calling and he did not answer! Where did all the sweet words go?

Then?

I saw him with someone else. Then later with someone else. He has many 'friends'.

So, what is your status now?

I am depressed.

Hmmm.. What do you want to do now? Do you want to confront him? Confront his other friends?

No! I don't wish to do that! I just wished for things to be as before. I think the world of him. Why didn't he think the same?

Well, human beings are the most complex creatures in this world. They are unpredictable. Everyone's life is ruled by their inner needs. People do things in selfishness. They forget their attitude hurt others. It's unfortunate that many don't even care about the others' hurt.

Yes, he has hurt me too much. I have no energy to get up in the morning. No interest to do work. I cannot sleep. What should I do now? How can I change his feelings?

Can I tell you something? Nobody can change anyone. The only person whom we can change is we ourselves. I cannot change you. I can help you find yourself. Look for ways to feel better. Anti-depressants and sleeping pills are not the permanent solution for all these. You need to build your defense system.

Isn't multiple relationships wrong? Why is he doing it? Didn't I make him happy?

Do you know that it is not possible to know what is going on inside someone else? Most of what we see is not real. People portray what they want others to see. Don't you and I do that too? Multiple relationships are people's choice. It is up to them to indulge in them. It depends on how much they can afford it, in terms of time, energy and money. The moral point of view might differ. It is about being honest and dishonest. You can never expect someone to come and tell you, "Hey, you know, you are not the only person I'm seeing. I'm seeing you today and I'd continue seeing you if I like you enough.If I meet someone else who attracts me more, I'd see them too!' And if at all someone was that honest with you, what would your reaction be? Won't you freak out?

Yes, I guess. But I would prefer if he had been honest with me. I might have accepted this better if he didn't move away silently. I feel betrayed! What am I to do now? I feel that I'm rotting, decomposing!

That's a great question. The best thing you can do is stop being idle. List out things you must do everyday. Sort out your free time. Plan what you would like to do when you're not busy. Meet more new people. When I say meet people, I don't mean jumping into another relationship. Noncommittal relationships are much more fun. Help children from your society. Give a helping hand to women who are suffering around you. If you need those kind of contacts, I can give them to you. Follow me around. I have a big group of needy people who would love and appreciate your help.

You make it sound so simple Miss. I wish it was as easy as that.

Nothing is easy and nothing is difficult. All you have to do is try. Do you know that I was one of the patients here not too long ago?I tried and I have overcome my problems. Now i help others.

Can I come with you tomorrow?

9 a.m. See you at the lobby.

Shaking hands, both of them walked out of the counselor's room. Life continues!

the little pleasures and the bigger pain

About 30 years ago my sister and I performed for a show in my college. I was almost 20 and she 15. I have never trained professionally. During my teenage days, it was a choice of either playing hockey or attending dance classes.

I chose the former as it was more fun to run free and wild in the field. Dribbling the hard, dangerous ball towards the goal post and the thud that followed every time i scored gave a fabulous feeling not worth exchanged with anything else in the world.

Yet, when in college someone requested that I perform a dance for a change. I was the college singer and perhaps people wanted to see me doing something else as it was my final year.

My sister had professional training. With her help and guidance we practiced the 'Shiva Thaandavam'.

I remember doing the same dance for about eight to ten times. There were temple shows. Deepavali shows and even in someone's birthday party.

Our costume was self modified. I tied an above ankle length saree. I remember borrowing my mother's saree. It was red. The blouse had to be adjusted as my mom was two size smaller than me.
My sister wore a yellow punjabi suit with tiger skin printed scarf wrapped around her. Our attire was quite amateurish. Yet, our performance was quite catchy. It was really lots of fun.

In years to come, dancing has always been a part of my life. As a teacher, dances were often practiced and performed. Choreography was done with self imagination and at times some copying was done from movies and other videos. We danced for fun in weddings and other office functions.

As time passed, after some heart wrenching experiences and bumpy life rides, dancing had almost disappeared from my life. Living meant work, managing children, paying bills and solving various daily life problems.

Perhaps if I said life turned into a disastrous nightmare, I could not be far wrong.My torture was self inflicted. I faced depressive disorders by indulging in prescribed drugs. It seemed to be the best superb answer.

I can easily blame circumstances, incidents and people around me for all my pain. At those moments, I was busy blaming everything that I could point my finger at. Change came suddenly but it did come.

Something out there had always looked out for me. I believe in God. As a Canossian Convent student for 13 years i know ' The Holy Mary and Hail Mary' by heart. During sick days, my Sister at the church always reassured me that St. Gabriel was just there watching out for me. I sang in the church choir.

As a singer in temple functions, I was well versed with my religion's puranas and vedhas.

My Malaysian heritage had also blended me with my Moslem friends to carry the 'Bunga Manggar' and walk along with them in the procession for Prophet Muhammad's birthday.

I had no battles whatsoever with any belief. I loved nature. The sun, the moon, the wind, the sea, the sky and the greenery around me always emitted wonderful energy to me.

Maybe those wonderful energies helped save me.

Soon i learned to evaluate the difference between pleasure and pain.

I listed all my pleasures. I started attending dance classes. Initially, it was only the Latin Beginner's class. I attained lessons in Rumba, Cha-cha, Jive and Samba.

I sang with the Indian Traditional drummers, 'The Urumi'. I remember raising that many eyebrows with my antiques. A lady in her late forties singing with Urumi boys? I did it anyway because it was a pleasure for me.

While singing, somehow there rose a yearning for the chimes of the anklet bells. The joy of jumping up, down, left and right with dance movements, was missed by something from within.

I signed up for the 'Bharatha Nattiyam' classes. I chose a centre very near my house. For convenience sake. When I approached my master, a man, he was a little perturbed with my age and my interest in this art. He was hesitant to start and told me to come back the following month as it was already mid January.

Later, when I called him, he did not answer my calls nor did he respond to my several messages. Little did he know, he had lost a good, passionate performer.

I googled for other dance schools. After a few failed attempts I found my master. A lady. I can genuinely say she had transformed my life.

Before every class, she taught me Yoga. With her insistence, I enrolled and completed  a 'Kallaari Payattu' course. She taught me dance steps patiently.

While I picked up the basics, I pestered my sister to train the 'Shiva Thandavam' with me. After 30 years, it was not a piece of cake. Though, I still remember the moves, the hip screw inserted in my left femur was a constant challenge.

After arduous hours of training, the steps are finally taking shape. The dance is turning out well. Of course the costume is not going to be amateurish. With years of choreography experience we are in the midst of creating a dream, which will soon come true.

Life has taught me discipline and perseverance. With this I intend to dance for at least five years. People often question me on why I do what I do. Often I smile.

Deep down, I tell myself. These little pleasures that I indulge in are simply pacifiers to that big pain which lies within me.

I don't seriously believe that life should be lived with specific rules. But what I cannot oblige is to live life in a reckless way. Happy go lucky, come what may! Is definitely not my policy. I cannot step on other people's head just to fulfill my happiness. Worst of all, I am finding it very difficult to accept and digest selfish betrayal.

Although I am not the target of the insult I simply decided I cannot be an accomplice to any such conduct.

In deciding this, I sacrificed something very important. My strength is minimal, my courage is low but i am holding the fort. The gush in my heart is deep. Perhaps it will never heal. But I intend to dance away the pain slowly. Maybe time will cure me from this pain. Amen!