Getting ready

Every weekend as the training days arrived, I get into a preparatory state. My mind gets ready to accept physical training. My body usually tenses up. It expects some pain. There's always pain involved.

Then why do you do the training? You enjoy feeling the pain? They have a name for those kind of people, I believe?

Masochist! I'm not a masochist. There were times when this sport gave me the greatest pleasure and the biggest sense of achievement. It still does only, some things have changed!

Changed as in?

As we age, things change. The physical body gets tired. There's some kind of imbalance which triggers many troubles from within. The mental state becomes stronger and more disciplined. Clearly more determined than the heart and the body.

If there's too much pain, I think you should give up, not torture yourself in any way.

There's lots of pain sometimes. I have looked for solutions. I identified all the elements which were lacking in my system. I updated it. There are pills i pop! ;)

You sound like you're upgrading a software device.

We're the world's best device and I'm tuning it to function to its highest level. I'm very lucky that at 50, I'm almost as fit as a fiddle. I've no serious medical issues. The only serious stuff i encountered would be the menopausal symptoms which I've mastered and resolved in style.

Resolved with pills??

Pills as in not those Lorazepam! I've estrogen and progesterone for Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. Strontium, D and Kalium on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Sunday is my pill free day.

Mamamia... These are..?

The lacking elements in my system. When you age, please do so with comfort and not suffer gently because you feel that's how it is!

Hmmm. I realize that you're moving high up in a rather systematic pace. I'm quite proud of you.

I also include lots of beet roots, carrots and lentils in my diet. There are days everything will seem like it had failed and it's not too easy but every time i walk in a tournament court, I'm happy to acknowledge that I'm the only veteran black belt Malaysian, Indian lady. That itself gives me a fabulous adrenaline rush. It is an amazing feeling when everyone stands erect and bow in respect to you.

Of course it would be amazing. I've seen all you sports people standing erect with that superb posture. I do envy you. Some of us call it 'the winners' circle'.

Don't just stop with envy. Get a suit, join the academy and become as fit as a fiddle. End of day exercise makes you better in many ways. In ten to 15 years you will be thanking me for this piece of advise.

Definitely. I'm already learning. I'd follow your advise for sure. :)

Superstitions

I'm so fed up with some people.

Why? What happened? What they did to you?

They're too superstitious!

Superstitious as in?

They believe in silly dreams. Coincidences are misinterpreted. Mountains are made out of molehills.

Give me an example please.

For instance, there was this lizard, stuck on the door in my house.

Hmmm..

It fell on me, when i opened the door. It fell almost on my forehead. But it missed and slid off my fringe.

That's a remarkable slide, I'd say.

Yea, I was amazed. But i reckoned i gave the lizard quite a big scare too.

Yes, I reckon too. Then..

My folks and my grand folks. They became most frantic. They said it was a bad omen. They called the priest and asked for an interpretation.

What did the priest say?

He said normally the lizard falling on the right forehead is considered auspicious and if it falls on the left then it's inauspicious. I'm not sure of the location. It could be the other way round.

But it fell on your fringe.

Yup. There's no interpretation for lizards falling on fringes as no one had a fringe those days. I was wondering perhaps the lizard fortune telling ended before the fringe era.

Perhaps no one recorded it so precisely.

You mean there could be something to all these?

I've no idea, my dear. But I'd say if your old people tell you something, you should just adhere to their advise. Just to give them the confidence and happiness that all is well. For me making the old people happy is more important than any principle i hold close to heart.

But you think lizards are bad?

Like you said the lizard must have been terrified that day too. We can't blame lizards for our misfortunes. Our life is in our hands.  The mistake that we make is ours alone. Be responsible for your every action. Life will be how you want it to be.

I don't have to explain to my old folks about all these?

No, just play along to what they expect from you. Old is gold. You need all their blessings.

Alright. Will do so right away. 

Confusion

I'm getting more and more confused about things, you know!

What are you getting confused about?

All these extra activities that I'm being asked to do. I feel confused. It is so unlike my life.

What is the difference between now and then?

The food for instance. I dislike these raw food. We used to eat simple food before like soup and fried chicken. I loved eating those. Now all the beet root, carrots and cucumber. It tastes bad. I feel like throwing up.

You will get used to it. It's good for you.

You mean to say chicken isn't?

I'm not here to debate with you about the food types. I'm just here to help you pick up your life. To help you to fend for yourself.

I appreciate all that you're doing. But what has food got to do with all the survival issues? Why do i need to join the children in their karate classes? And the satsang too. I'd rather wash clothes or do other chores.

Why are you here? What happened to your husband? He left? Or...

My husband died. I'm not educated. I have two kids to take care of. So, my brother sent me here.

What happened to your husband? How did he die?

He had a heart attack.

Heart attack! What caused the heart attack, you think?

I have no idea.

How did you know your husband? Is your marriage arranged? You fell in love?

My husband is my uncle. He's my mother's brother. When i was young, I wasn't too smart. I didn't like school. I used to do housework. Helped my mom around the house.

You met your uncle cum husband there?

No, my mom used to send food for my uncle. He worked in his workshop. He was a foreman.

You fell in love with him...

No, he used to ask me favors. He said his body hurt. I had to massage him. I didn't know he was taking advantage of me. I was 18 years old.

You could have told your mom about it!

I didn't know. I had no bright future. No education. I accepted that my uncle is the solution to settling down in life.

Hmmm. Its a very sad thing that uncles need to exploit their own nieces whom they should consider as their own daughter. Even sadder that you as a girl allowed yourself to be trapped in this way. How old are you now?

32.

And him?

He was 48. When he died. That was last year.

Me telling you that you have made the biggest mistake of your life is not going to solve any of your life's problems.

I'm sorry.

There's nothing to be sorry about. You seem to be a circumstantial victim. It's very sad. But i hope you will be smarter from now on.

I'm not very smart.

By smart i mean not academically. After training, you will be going out to work. In people's houses. Even shops. I'm hoping with your cooking skills you might be able to open a stall or something. But..

But?

You must be careful not to get entangled with any man. There are some cunning people around.

No, miss. I promise i will not do that.

You know, you are not my first case, nor are you going to be the last. I've seen this kind of scenario. When you make this kind of mistake the victims next will be your children. I'm glad you don't have a daughter. Then, she might become the target next.

I will not get involved miss. I was not happy with my husband. My kids weren't either. We're much happier here. I prefer to help you. I don't have to go out to work. Teach me to bring my kids up well. I will listen to you.

We will see. Were your husband an alcoholic?

No, he didn't drink. He smoked. He gambled. He sold all the household things. My few jewelries. When i questioned him, he hit me. I've had enough.

Hmmm.

But why do i need to eat so much of vegetables and the exercise? I miss the old lifestyle. The food. I don't like the exercise. It really makes me tired. The kids hate the food. And they prefer playing in the playground. Not the serious training that you do.

You see, my dear. I would like to see you live a longer life than your husband. That's why you need more vegetables. The training is discipline. It wakes your body cells. The yoga helps you to become healthier. When you are 50, you will be thanking me.

Yes, I remember my husband never exercised. He ate lots of meat. No vegetables at all. No wonder he died young.

See. Make sure you don't make the same mistakes your husband did. He lived recklessly. He died young because of that. Please be more responsible for your kids' sake. Be very cautious where men are concerned. Any risk that you take will affect your kids.

No, miss. I will be alright. Just keep us with you. We will be alright.

Ecstatic and ecstasy

You're sitting in an uncomfortable position. Are you alright?

Never have been better. This is a meditation pose. Yoga. To sit erect and straight. To feel ecstatic.

Hmm. It does seem to be the thingy now. Everyone is doing it.

Yup! Those who are health conscious would want to definitely do it. Those who are already messed up try to rectify their problem.

Is that possible?

I guess so. I'm new to these exercises. Yet, I feel as if this has been what's destined for me.

What do you mean?

Throughout my life, I have felt trapped. I never found happiness. I have been somewhat lost.  I used to imagine there's something else hidden within this bag of meat and bones. The dreams, the confusion!

Hmm. I remember. Your nightmares. Your losses too.

Yet i couldn't identify what and which? The whys in life. Now I know. I lost what I lost to discover this ecstasy. Nature was directing me to the wonderful yogic experience. My dreamss of that man in the loincloth, with locks of long hair, was for real. He is the Aathiyogi. 

Sounds incredible.

Feels more incredible, my friend. I feel that I am sometimes the wind, Then suddenly, I'm flowing like the cool water from the falls. It's difficult to explain, unless you experience it for yourself.

Perhaps i will soon.

When the time is right, you would too. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I realized, i have left behind many   ignorant ones. At the moment, I am my best company. To close my eyes and to continue making newer discoveries is ecstasy. 

Aren't you lonely, ever?

Gosh, no! I'm finally at peace. I'm in love with the entire cosmos, alone, on my own. It is an ecstatic feeling. You will soon tell me too. 

Somehow, I knew this was coming. Your patience and calmness sort of indicated your path.

I guess. Discovering negative feelings are harmful to my system and getting rid of them  was a great fete. After this, everything slowly changed. I used to write about being in cloud nine. Now I'm always there. No more dreams. No anger, no pain.

Yes, I remember you saying. Anger is a waste of time. It is slow poison. Self poisoning!  

Yes, exactly. I.m just discovering what lies within me. I wish you the best too. In discovering yourself.

The Dog

Are you crying?

Yes, sort of.

Why? What happened?

I realized something today, just now.

And...

It was raining really heavily. I was driving with difficulty. The rainwater was lashing away.

Ok..

Suddenly, out of the blue, a dog came running, or rather a puppy.

Oh!!

It ran underneath my car. Obviously, it was not a street dog. It looked terribly lost. And it was trying to shelter beneath my car.

Did you hit it?

No.. I stopped in mid junction. Slowly reversed. The next moment i know, the dog was in front of me.

You missed it. That's good no?

No, another car came fast and hit it. I think it died on the spot.  The next car went over the dead dog and crushed it.

Gosh, how sad!

I turned back, intending to run as far as possible from that horrible scene.

There's nothing much you could do, under the circumstances.

It was not really that. I was most ashamed of my thoughts. It took me some minutes to register what was actually running in my mind.

Hmmm, carry on.

I realised that i was relieved that some other car killed the dog. As long as it wasn't me, the death of an animal was not an issue.  That made me unhappy.

It's not really your fault.

I could have saved it. Perhaps i should have gotten down and took it into the car. It wouldn't have died. But I'm afraid of dogs. I couldn't imagine doing that.

Let it go. It's just an unfortunate accident. Keep calm. Take it easy.