Gerua

Do you know that Alexander is performing tonight for an amazing song?

Amazing song as in?

A famous Hindi song!

A Russian dancing to a Hindi song? It is quite contradictory, I agree.

Hush, hush.. I hear you ladies' gossips. And i know it's about me.

Hi, Alexander! We were just talking about your forthcoming dance. The Hindi song.

Ahhh! You mean gerua?

Yes. I was wondering about the name it sounded quite alien. Couldn't hold it within for too long.

You would know, krasivaya printsessa!

Haish! I really wish you would stop this endearments. What good is it for you? Hindi isn't my language.

Yes, I know that. Your language is quite tricky. The music is very much opposite from Latin beats. I couldn't really compose steps to any of the songs. It was complicated, I started the samba with a particular song but the song had too many combinations, I couldn't complete my steps. Very tricky and complicated, just like you.

I am not complicated at all. For me, this world is very huge and magnanimous. I have many things to do. I cannot let it revolve around complicating factors. Any form of relationship is complication. I like my happy carefree life.

I understand mya..my dear. I honor your stand. Still I'd say you're complicated yet very special. Especially for me... By the way, ladies, to dance to Gerua, you need to understand the lyrics and it's meaning. That's important to create the magic required.

Ohh! Are we involved in this? We were under the impression that it's your personal dance.

No.. It's a group project. I find it very enthralling and i want all of you to experience this beautiful feeling. Please look through the lyrics and the translations. Presenting... Gerua...

dhoop se nikal ke
chhanv se phisal ke
hum mile jahaan par
lamha tham gaya

coming out like the sunshine,
or slipping like the shadow,
wherever we met,
the moment stopped there..

aasmaan pighal ke
sheeshe mein dhal ke
jam gaya to tera
chehra ban gaya

when the sky melted
got moulded into glass,
and solidified,
it became your face..

duniya bhula ke tumse mila hoon
nikli hai dil se ye duaa
rang de tu mohe gerua
raanjhe ki dil se hai duaa
rang de tu mohe gerua

I have forgotten the world and met you
and only this wish has come out of my heart,
color me into a saffron shade
this is the heartfelt wish of your lover,
color me into a saffron shade...

Wow! Amazing words. Let's start practice. I'm already getting infected by the magical words. Anticipating the music effects.

Come on, printsessa!  Start training. I will not bother you now but we shall partner this magical song soon.

Ohh! I'm not sure about this.

You can. Wait and see.

Where have you been..

Where have you gone to? I've been looking for you. I missed reading your little stories.

Hi! I'm sorry i have been busy.

Too busy to even write some short stories?

Remember when i used to write before? The reason why i write?

About some mental vomit?

Yes. I used to write because i needed to vomit issues. Throw out matters that bothered me.

And now?

There's nothing to vomit. My mind is free and happy. I'm happily busy. For the first time in my life I'm not bound to anyone or anything. I'm queen of my own region. Like a soaring adult eagle.

Ohh! You have run out of ideas...

No, no! Not out of ideas. My drafts revolve around my children, young and older ones. Their issues and troubles.

Then why aren't you writing about them? Do you know that i look for your work everyday? Everyday without fail!

I'm sorry about that. I am simply too busy for now. I need to solve the children's problems. That's priority. Writing about it can come later. When there's time!

I understand now. What kinds of problems do they face?

The boys face discipline issues. The parents cannot control them. The girls have tougher problems. They fall prey to the irresponsible, reckless, hedonistic males.

Ohh! That's terrible!

Yes, the vicious cycle goes round and round. The mismatched couple produce children who are neglected and end up becoming new trouble makers.

The solution?

I'm training girls to be streetwise and male wise. I'm enlightening them to all the anticipated dangers out there. I teach them to build their talents and skills.

That's really great. They can fend off dangerous men.

At the same time, my boys are being polished too.

Ohh!

They're trained to respect women. They're taught that girls are not toys.

Wow! Awesome idea. The world will indeed become a better place with plans like this.

Not the world. Just that small area we're working on. But we believe we can expand. My boys and girls can become examples, role models. They can create a better generation. Become better brothers and sisters. Better children and better parents.

Yes, that's quite true. Well, thank you for your explanation. I'm glad that you took time to explain about your silence. I'd wait for your stories.

You're welcome and thank you for your interest and time in reading my work.
I'm honored to have an ardent reader like you.

You're welcome too. Bye now. Have a wonderful week ahead.

You too my dear.

When old is sadly old.

I saw you standing in the garden.

Yes. I was looking at the knee length uncut grass and weed.

There are tears in your eyes. Were you crying?

I don't cry. It's just exasperated tears which escaped from the lids.

I know. Crying is a wasted effort. But you were sad, I can see that.

Yes. Look around us. Everything is falling apart. The once neatly cut grass is overgrown. I had to wade through that after parking the car. Look at the garden. Once it was filled with lots of vegetables and fruits. We used to harvest okra, brinjal, guava, ciku and mata kucing.

Hmmm. Now everything is drying up. I also noticed the broken water tanks and taps around the house. No one is repairing things here now?

Look at how haggard and sickly he looks now. His organs are slowly failing. His cough is getting bad to worse. Everything was created by him. Everything was maintained by him. Now... Things are falling apart just like him.

It's like he's nearing the end of his days.

Isn't that the natural process of evolution. We shouldn't fear death. It's sad though. To see how life passes us by. My father is a master of all trades. He is the one who made everything here, he created  all of us, to what we are today! It's heartbreaking to see all these deterioration.

Perhaps he's realizing it. Your mom looks tired too.

She's not getting any younger either.  And she's still working. All the house chores. Still trying to look after us. Give us the best. I wish...

You wish?

I wish i could leave everything and come here for good. Take over the house, look after them.

Can that be done?  Doesn't the company need you the most now? And the home you're running...

I'm thinking aloud. I don't want to regret anything later. There must be solutions. Shouldn't we look after our parents who gave us all that we needed? They gave the best. Sacrificing themselves for all of us. Maybe its time we sacrificed too.

Perhaps we should.  This is something to think about.

How tough is tough?

Hi! How has the day been?

Hi! It's a regular day. Hectic.

Hectic in the sense?

I'd say today's more hectic than usual.

Ohh! How come?

This morning i had to visit the police station. On a regular day that's not a chore of mine.

Omg! Why the police station? Something bad happened?

It was bad but i guess I'd rather go to the police station than the hospital.

What happened?

One of my boys, he's 15. He was arrested for causing ruckus in public.

Ohh. What did he do?

He was shirtless. He was drunk. He was dancing on top of a car roof!

Oh...

When he sobered, he called me. By when he had already been bruised with a rattan stick. Apparently, he tried to fight the officers who wanted to question him.

15? And drunk? Parents?

Both around. They sleep by 10pm. After a long day at work. He sneaks out after everyone is dead to the world.

Isn't he underage to buy alcohol?

He had his allies. Big 'brothers' who lead and he follows, in awe.

Ohh, how dumb he is!

He doesn't understand. He thinks they're simply great people to follow. I guess most of it come from our movies.

Yes, I guess so. How sad! So, what happened to him?

I took him out. Parents were informed. He was adamant that he'd change and there was no need to inform his old folks. But the choice isn't his. They were shocked. According to them he has betrayed their trust! But then how much can you trust a 15 year old teenager?

What next?

Counseling. For both him and his parents. He is quite addicted to alcohol. It seems he's insomniac if he doesn't drink. They're going to help him overcome this bad habit and focus on education.

Can he?

I hope so. I'd help him. His parents should make sure he doesn't leave his home unchaperoned anymore. He needs to be watched carefully.

Hopefully he turns over a new leaf.

I hope so too. He will have a good counselor. Things can change for him. Nothing is impossible.

Hmmm. How sad! How are the others doing?

Right now, there are four children whom I'm working on. Focusing on changing their lifestyles. Nothing serious. Basic habits. Toilet training. Cleanliness. Personal hygiene.

Is it working well?

Yes, it is. It's not really easy but if there's a will, there's always a way.

Roses are red

I found this rose in front of the house. There's a card attached onto it. From 'S'

Hmmm..

Aren't you curious who could have sent this to you?

No. I'm not curious.

How come?

I know who it is from.

Ahh! You have a secret admirer? I know some are seeking your attention but I'm surprised there's someone out there who's serious enough to send you a flower.

Go to my room. Open the brown cupboard at the left corner of my room. Look at the bottom and then come tell me of your findings.

Ok. Ok.

Did you see?

Yes. I saw many stalks of dry roses. All with the card with the initial 'S'.

.....

So, who's this mystery man?

Someone who was in my life. Long ago.

Long ago... I've been here for almost six months now. I've no idea, you had someone.

I don't have someone. Only the children.

The many children who come and go.

And mine.

Yes yours. And you find this sufficient?

More than. It is my choice to be alone. After awhile i made discoveries. Men are not worth my time.

And this S?

Was my husband!

Husband? Was?

No.. Still is actually. In the legal sense.

How long have you been apart? Separated.

Many years now.

But why?

It just happened that way. He couldn't get along with my children. He couldn't get along with me. It seemed to be like a war zone all the time.

There was no room for reconciliation?

The opportunity did not come. The situation narrowed to impossibility. There was no peace. We lived in fear.

So you left?

It wasn't as easy as that. First i had to get a house. The financial issues. Moving out wasn't easy either.

Why?

He didn't want us to leave. He was insecure. He gave us a hard time. I had to get refraining order from the court. It was quite ugly.

Ohh! He doesn't do that anymore, he only sends this flower?

In the beginning, he didn't know where we lived. For about two years. He used to try following me from the children's school but we managed to avoid him. Then someone tipped him off. I used to see him passing by but he never attempted to come here. I have clearly told him that I'd call the police if he ever disturbs us in any way.

That sounds very mean.

I have to be mean. I cannot allow him to hurt us anymore.

Now... The roses?

In this period of separation he made a few discoveries.

Discoveries?

He realized loneliness. He shed his ego. He stopped accusing, he stopped his harsh speech. In the beginning he used to shout in foul language whenever he called. He used to ask many people to call and insult me for leaving him. I kept silent.

I can imagine that. You seemed to have all the patience in the world.

Well, I've had good training.

Then why aren't you accepting him?

I made my own discoveries.

You met someone, your soulmate... Judging from that smile i know I've guessed wrong.

I discovered freedom. I discovered service.

Those children.

Yes. I also discovered that men are the main cause  for all these neglected children.

Huh? I don't understand. By men, you mean?

The fathers.

How does these happen?

Some of the fathers died young. They had drinking habits. They had bad eating styles. They died of liver failures, heart attacks. Some due to drunk driving.

Ahh! I see. The children are affected because their fathers died.

Yes. And some children lost their fathers to other women. The men left their family for more excitement. They forgot to consider their children's future.

That's very sad.

Yes it is. So, I decided to take over these kinds of children. As you can see it has not been easy but we're making slow progress.

Slow but good progress. Yes, I can see that. But can't you consider accepting him. All those roses must mean that he really cares for you. Perhaps it will be more convenient. You'd have more support.

No. I'm comfortable as i am. I find relationship taxing. Men are not worthy of me. I'm happier now. I don't intend to jeopardize my freedom anymore. I'm free and I'd remain free.

What is to become of him then?

He is a friend. He will remain that for always. If he wants to move on, he may do so.

Hmmm. Hope you are happy with your decision.

I have no regrets.

Search

I was looking for you. You have been missing for quite a while.

Yes. I have been very busy. A few important assignments. Huge files.

Files?

Children. With big troubles. Learning difficulties. Health issues. I had to spend quite a bit of time with them.

Ohh! I see. I was frantic when i couldn't get in touch with you.

Really? Why were you looking for me? How can i help you?

I wanted to ask you about something. It's kind of personal though!

Ohh! I will help you if i can.

I've been searching for something. For a while i thought i had it but that's not so.

What is it that you had?

A soulmate. A friend. A lover. A sibling. A father. A brother. All wrapped in one.  I expected that i had all these but it was disappointing.

Ahhh! How was it disappointing?

It's difficult to say. He was there yet not there. Kind and courteous but at the same time distant. I couldn't really penetrate his thoughts. There was always a wall in between.

Hmmm. You're looking for perfection. As you said, a soulmate.

Yes but that's not meant to be. The soulmate was a fake.

Fake?

Yes. He had other interests outside.

You mean affairs?

Yes. And he wasn't truthful about it. I cannot call him sneaky or conniving.

He was a silent killer. He got bored with you. He moved on. It's quite common nowadays.

Is it really?

Yes. There are worst cases. Kids are abandoned. Marriages break. All is gone.

But why?

It has become a trend. With the modern gadgets. Social media. Networking is wide and incredible. People from all over the world get connected.

Connections shouldn't break families. It shouldn't kill good relationships.

Well, that's what's happening. Unfortunate for some. Fortunate for some. It serves those foolish people right!

But why? I was desolate. In despair. I had something beautiful going then it vanished.

Well, have you heard of the three important shells that you need to break?

Huh? Not really!

Ego! Ignorance! Lust! Never heard of those?

Yea, I have but aren't they for those saints in tapas?

Not really. The day you discover you have gotten rid of these three is the day you're going to be high and mighty. In the truest sense.

Oh! Really! Could you tell me how?

I can but it has to be another day. I will see you again soon. And we shall talk about this.

Oh! Please do. I'm waiting.

Sure. Please excuse me. I have to leave now.

Little Poppet

R-u- Ru, m-a-h- mah, how you pronounce that?

Mah-mah

Mahmah? What happened to the RU in front?

Mahru?

Mah  comes at the back. What's the front sukukata?

Ru..

So? Ru followed by mah is... ?

Rumah..

What does rumah means?

House.

Ok. Now spell Hitam!

Hitam... Is Hitam itik teacher?

Huh! Oh,no! Hitam is the colour black, itik is the name for a duck. You know, quack, quack?

Oh! I feel confused.

Why do you feel confused?

I've never seen all these letters before. I don"t know Malay at all. No one spoke to me in Malay.

But you went to school? Your kindy? Didn't you learn these there?

Nooooo.. We sang many tamil songs. I can't remember what they did early in the morning..

Why? Did you forget?

I slept.

You slept? In school?

Yes. I slept in school.

Why do you sleep in school?

I feel sleepy.

I don't really understand you. What time do you sleep every day?

I sleep late. I don't know what time i go to sleep. I watch programmes in television. With my grandmother. Usually I find it difficult to get up in the morning My mother forces me to get up by caning me. So, I get up and go to school. Once there, I sleep.

Ahhh... I see. Nobody wakes you up in school?

They try, but I normally don't get up. I hear them but I am not able to respond.

I see. What happens then?

I get up later. We have our tiffin and then we sing songs and colour pictures. Sometimes we play games.

Hmmm... then?

I go back. My grandmother gives me lunch. Then, my grandfather makes us sleep after lunch.

Ahhh.. You sleep again?

Yes. After our nap, we get up. We go to the park. My grandfather brings all of us to the park near our house. We play. Once back, we bathe, eat and then watch television. Till we feel sleepy.

Hmmm... No wonder you are left behind in everything. Don't you try to think on how to study? That you need to know how to read?

What is thinking?

Well, that's a tough question!

Tough?

Tough means difficult.

But, you are the teacher. You should know everything, shouldn't you?

I'm looking for a right way to explain thinking to you. To make you understand. Let me see, when we are planning to go out and you want to choose your favourite dress, what do you do?

I will ask myself what i want. I ask my heart to choose the dress I want.

Well asking your heart to do things is thinking.

But in my house I don't choose anything. My mom gives me and I wear clothes. I don't choose. I did not have to think.

It's time you did. Now, ask your heart to remember what I teach you. Keep telling yourself until you learn everything. Listen to what I say. Repeat. Understand what I tell you. If you don't get it tell me to teach you again. I will teach you.

You are very clever cikgu. I am not clever. Everyone says I'm stupid. But, I really like to learn things with you. I like the new clothes, the doll and I even like to watch the Australian Spelling Bee that we watch on television.

You are a very smart girl. You can speak English now. Soon you will read and write well. Don't worry!

I'm not worried. I'm sleepy. Whenever I think of reading. I want to sleep.

I wish I could sleep like you little one.

You can cikgu. Hold my hand. I'm sure you're going to sleep just like me.

Sure, sure. You're a sweet darling. Thank you.

You're welcome Poppet... Why are you smiling? Isn't that what I'm supposed to say? When I say "thank you", you always said, "You're welcome poppet".

That's what I'd say. You should say, " You're welcome cikgu, or teacher or Miss. Ok?

Ok teacher. Good night.

Good night, little poppet.