Thank you

Have you done counting the stars?

Ha, ha! I'm not counting stars. I'm thinking of how to get things done.

What do you need to do? Things don't get done by gazing at the sky you know!

True. Still, it gives a calming effect. The stars. I often look for Betelgeuse.The bright red star. Orion constellation.

Yea. I've read about it. The dying star.

I encountered it first somewhere. I'm unsure whether i saw it in the story ' The fault in our Stars' or elsewhere. But recently i came across Betelgeuse in another story. 'Searching for David's heart'.

Ohh!

When I'm extremely tired i look for it. When I'm unhappy, I search the sky for the Betelgeuse.

You get answers from it? Does it have mystical effects... You're smiling that silly smile again.

Nothing of the sort. Most things are based on beliefs. Hopes. I just drown in its beauty and get diverted. Something shifts within and i feel calmer, comforted.

Hmmm. What do you need to sort now.

Work! It's a congested period now. Getting things completed in a crucial deadline.

London!

Yes. You know I've stopped setting deadlines for anything! Yet, here i am. Rushing. I find time running out. Issues not settled.

Ok. Let's list all your 'issues. Start with priority.

Siddarth. I'm worried they're not going to set the alarm and he's going to miss his exams. Today, I waited for them to get ready on their own but no one did. No alarm. They said i didn't tell them to set it. !! I put another note on the white board. The notes on the board is already overflowing the brim.

And!

I confessed being alarmed because of the alarm. My daughter just smiled. She asked me to recall her MBBS days in Mangalore. "Were you there Mummy? I functioned right? I'm just being cool because you're here. Once you're out the door, I'd take over!

See!

Yea, I guess i over worry about everything. As i was sitting on my blog, I noticed some activity in the hall. After they left i walked out and saw the white board had been wiped clean. That worried me too.

You worry unnecessarily. You cannot do everything. You wouldn't be able to stand guard 24/7. Give them a try. I believe they are enterprising enough. You have raised them well.

Not specifically true. Sometimes i believe they have raised me. Not vice versa. Still i guess you are right. They will be fine.

I think its great you have to leave them on their own. It will give them a test of their survival skills.

I guess so.

What else is there?

That's most of the wrapped up worries. The rest is all about packing, getting checked in and flying.

Then do it. Give the kids a chance to function by themselves.

Yup. You're right. Thanks.

                                      *************


I was very flattered to receive a few mails these two days.

Some nice people were wondering why i have not posted new journals.

How come no conversation Ms?

Have you become tired of writing?

Lost for ideas?

I replied with, thank you very much. please read blog. Answers will come. Thus, I wrote this.

Highest height of pain

You are deep in thought.

Yup. I am with my thoughts. They are my best friend and the worst enemy!

Tell me what you are thinking please. Your thoughts often give me answers. When i advise you i get some consolation myself.

Well, I was measuring the heights of my pain. I asked myself if i have recorded the highest height of my misery.

Have you now? How did you identify the level of misery within you?

I measure pain. I have seen some grief. Due to some death. It was big.

Then you have seen other kinds of pain too?

Hmmm. Yes. Betrayal, neglect. They're bigger pain.

How do you say that?

The hurt is bigger. It hurts more.

I've never weighed issues in this manner. This is an amazing concept. You say betrayal and neglect. How do you differenciate the two?

Betrayal is when promises are broken. Neglect is when you're treated like you don't exist. These two gives the bigger pain.

You said big and bigger. Is there a biggest hurt then?

Oh! Yes.

And that will be?

Seeing people who are more hurt than me. That gives me the biggest pain. I get the need that i should make them better.

An empath?

Perhaps. I'm not sure. But i feel better once i see changes in them. When their lives improve. But..

But?

They leave. Without asking me whether I'm ready to let them go.

Why do they leave?

They find better pastures. They decide it's time. They don't ask my opinion nor preference. They just go. Without a proper goodbye.

That makes you angry?

No. Just hurt. Then after awhile i become stronger than before. At the precipice, something happens. When i think all is lost, I change. Along comes another realisation. I am good. Those who left are not meant to be with me. It's actually their loss.

Is this an egotistical claim? You're great and people who decide not to linger are losers?

Not from that point of view. I just feel i could have done more. Made their lives perfect.

Perfection cannot be seen from your individual belief. Everyone has personal needs. Life is about searching for a particular fulfilment. Till that's done, the search continues.

Perhaps.

Please remember whatever that you do for others would be accounted for somewhere, somehow. Let's just think nature merits you in someway. You should never attach yourself too much to anything or anyone in particular.

I needed them as much as they needed me. I feel used. Lost and alone.

I guess that's why you wear all these beads in your neck? Big, small, brown and black?

Yes. The rudraksham gives me confidence. I feel strong. I was lucky. I even got the single faced rudraksham.

Rudraksham is fine. It gives good health, spiritual enrichment. But grappling onto it in desperation is not what it is all about. Your strength is within you. You, yourself, are your own rudraksham. You can give it any number of faces you want.

That's why you are bare? I don't see you wearing any accessories nowadays. I thought you were influenced by your atheist friends that you have discarded all the holy beads.

Oh! No! They might not believe in God but they're the kindest that I've met so far. Their concept of not hurting anyone is good enough to prove that something good is a guide for them from within. They just don't give it any names.

Hmm ok. Speculations never was the better thing to do.

That's true. And I decided for myself that i don't need any form of accessories. My confidence, my skills and abilities were my biggest attributes. I didn't need anything concrete to hold on to. I had abstract accessories. In my mind, heart, limbs, all over me.

That's really nice. It gives a good feeling. Bare and strong. Why did i not think about this?

Every time i help someone i just feel happy seeing them grow. Whatever they do, wherever they go. But i also make it a point that no one steps on me in the name of service. Trust me i have seen my share of users.

Ohh!

We can help others unconditionally. Without expectations. Without prejudice. Service and charity must give you lightness. It should never be a burden.

I understand now. Thank you for your time.

You're welcome. Be happy. It's alright to have felt all levels of pain but its important to become stronger, happier and better. Remember you said it, at the precipice we change. We become the best, the strongest and the happiest. I'm glad to see you smiling. Hold it there forever. Take care. Bye for now.

Bye. Thank you again.

A creative story

In the early stages of writing children are often confused on usage of similes, idioms; proverbs. As they write, these are expected to be included to highlight their skills and proficiency.

Often texts and stories take creative turns with the usage of proverbs.

I've created short texts and sentences using proverbs, idioms and similes. I hope it's helpful.

When Sam's mother went to the market, she assigned her son to keep an eye on his younger sister, Sara. Sam is a responsible boy. He was exactly like his grandfather in looks and character. We can say, he's a chip off the old block.
Sara was different. She was mischievous. Once their mother left, she insisted to go out to play. Sam put his foot down and did not allow her to go as it was going to rain. Clouds as dark as coal were fast gathering and a heavy storm was threatening to fall.
Sam gave her some books to read and he too settled with his favorite novel. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He noticed Sara was not in her place.
Oh! Why is Sara such a thorn in the flesh, he thought aloud.
He looked high and low for her in the house. She was nowhere to be found. She seemed to have disappeared into thin air.
He rushed out into the garden. He found her in the midst of some flowers. She was trying to pluck some flowers which were as colourful as the parrot.
He gave her a piece of his mind and brought her into the house. She didn't seem to turn a hair. He decided to draw the line and told her strictly that she's not allowed to go out at all. To be on the safer side he locked up the gates and hung the keys high up.
Sara was in tears and later began to smile when Sam gave her a hot chocolate drink as a treat. After all blood is always thicker than water. 

Remedies

Do you know how i feel right now?

How do you feel?

I feel like i was a flame and suddenly someone doused me off with a bucket full of water and ice. I feel cheated and smashed.

That's an awful way to feel. What are you going to do about it?

I'm at a dead end. I feel like going into hibernation. Bury myself in a hole.

Oh! For how long is that?

If possible forever. I hate this world, this life and its occupants. Its totally filled with evil.

Let's self assess what we have.

What's there to assess? I'm not interested in anything!  Please don't try to brain wash me.

I'm sorry. Were you under the impression that I'm brainwashing you? I'm here to help you understand your troubles and live a better life.

I don't think anyone can make me feel better. I was dependent on my husband. Now that he left me for another, there seems to be a vacuum. I'm feeling empty. I don't want to do anything.

Yes, you did say. Can you tell me what you were doing before this?

I am a teacher. I teach children mathematics.

Hmm. I was a teacher too. I find it the most wonderful profession. Did you not enjoy teaching?

I do. I did. Only right now I'm at a dead end. I'm not able to move. I feel frozen.

You're heartbroken. I can understand. Was your marriage good? Were you happy?

Not really. He was often distant. He ignored me. For no reason. I didn't really live a good life.

So what have you got to lose?

I'm hurt. He left without any explanation. I was good to him. I did not shirk any of my responsibilities. I took care of him perfectly. There was no flaws in my duties.

Well, there must be a reason for him leaving. He must have had other needs. There's always a reason for everything. When i lost my husband i thought it was the end of the world. After that, I wasted three whole years, doing nothing.


You did nothing?

I had to go to work. I had to complete my degree. I dragged myself to school and back. I didn't do a good job. I was lucky nobody sacked me. Compassion saved me from being ousted from university too.

Oh! You look so cool. I thought you were trouble free. How did you recover?

I'm not sure how it happened. Maybe i got tired of being stagnant. My friends, my children could be a reason. I can't really remember but what i can recall is my ability to do one work after another. I just kept working.

What kind of work?

Any kind of work. My kids became my most important responsibility. Watching them climb the stairs of life gave me a good kickstart. Having smart, talented kids was a plus point.

My kids are good children too. And i realize I've been neglecting them. Oh! Gosh! I've been pining for someone who hurt me too much and hurt those who have been kind. I'm the most despicable person on earth.

Please don't label yourself as that. The most important thing is to make changes and live life well. Take one day at a time. Help someone everyday.

Everyday?

Yes. You're a teacher. There must be children in your school who need things. Give them food, clothes, education.

That is something i can do. But i feel I'm such a failure. He dumped me. I guess I'm so worthless.

Please look at it this way. When you start helping people you are bound to make changes to their lives. You will see progress in their lives. Small changes in individuals will slowly create big differences in the society. As a teacher every inch of growth in your student will give you enormous happiness.

Yes, I agree with you. Every time a student who has been failing gets through an exam i do feel exhilarated. It gives a change within me.

Exhilaration is a positive feeling. Accumulate it everyday. Children's growth is not only based on marks and exam. Make overall changes. Make a child stand tall. Help him discover himself. That's the most awesome thing that a teacher can do. We are given the power to do creation. Moulding.

Hmm. I always did only what the system wanted me to do. Finish the syllabus. Give exams and mark homework. Never bothered to venture beyond.

Try it. Once you start creating your line of prodigies, your self esteem and confidence will grow. You will also feel more energetic to create more. Then you will realize that you are doing more good now then when you were trying hard to be a good homemaker.

Where i was never appreciated.

Yes. You will discover that your students worship you. They give you respect and love. One day you will realize that perhaps God took away something to allow you to find your strength and help change other people's lives.

Wow! I feel great. I feel like I've been given the role of creator. It's a great feeling. Thank you my friend. You have helped me change my view on my life. I'm going to start making changes immediately.

Discoveries

Hello

Hello, how are you? Great to run into you.

What is it that i find different with you now then before? When did i see you last? Nine months ago?

Yes. I guess so.

You look different now.

I suppose we change as we age!

Oh! Pardon me! I didn't mean it that way. I want to say that you look better now. You look cheerful and more vibrant. You look alive!

Haha! Aren't we all alive? But i must say there are changes in me! I made discoveries.

I see. What kind of discoveries? If you don't mind.

I don't mind. If my experience is going to be of any help to you, I don't mind sharing it with you.

Hmmm.

I think i have never had this being not alive feeling. Except for the time when i lost my senses and was trapped in a delusionary world, I have always continued my duties without disruptions. I was stopped by my internal system which broke down and it was beyond my grasp. Something took over and halted my progress. Only later i discovered the system gave me an overhaul.

Overhaul?

Yes. It gave me rest. Much needed rest. It erased many unimportant data within me and kept only what was needed.

I really don't understand what you're saying.

I'm just saying that when things go beyond our control, our internal system will take over and give us a pause, a rest. I was lucky i identified it and became better.

But i remember you falling back again few months ago. What happened?

Ahh, that! I actually made a mistake. While recovering, I held on to some energies. I thought that was the power, the Sakthi, that's saving me. I gripped tight and tried to save myself. When my outstretched hand was not held and was ignored i became confused. This energy is supposed to grab me, pull me up and save me. Why is it not salvaging me? Why am i being ignored?

You're speaking in riddles again.

Let me put it this way. I became dependent on a friend. To help me. To be my mentor. To save me from all my pains. In the beginning it was great. But as time passed my mentor became distant. I felt i was neglected and badly treated.

I see. You felt let down.

In a way i was let down. Promises were not kept. The friend was a little cruel by ignoring me. So i fell into the hole again.

And you were angry? That smile again.. Why are you smiling?

I wasn't angry. I made new discoveries. I discovered one day, suddenly, I'm relieved that i was ignored. I was glad that i was made to break free. It was a tiring, unfulfilling painful bond. When i suddenly discovered I'm free, I was happier than ever. Thank God, that's over! That was my thought.

How did it happen?

I got diverted. With a new energy. Only this energy isn't too powerful. It's very calm and kind. It consoled me and it saved me.

Ohh! I hope you don't get too involved again.

Definitely not. When you're not looking for anything, you have nothing to find and nothing to lose. We just pass our time with whatever activities we have. We divert ourselves with different things and suddenly we will make discoveries. Discoveries that we made it.

You don't miss your old friend?

No. Not at all. I keep reminding myself with certain souvenirs i have that i should never repeat this error again. Not to ever dirty my feet. Come to think of it, it had been the most miserable thing to happen. The worst way to be treated. I don't want to be treated that way at all ever again. I felt disrespected. It's not a loss for me. It's a blessing.

The lesson here?

Never cling on to anything. Be free. Freedom is happiness.

This new energy?

Is here for now. I'd never crush it in any way. I'd help it grow in every direction. I'd respect it and give it love.  See where it goes.

Well. Nice meeting you. Keep in touch.

Sure, will do.

Kidney stones

The temperature now rockets up to 36 ° at times. The heat is overpowering.

Report says El Nino, La Nina. Astrology says Mars residing with Saturn. Whatever names are called heat is heat and it has its damaging effects on humans body.

It dries you up. This is the time people in their efforts to quench thirst drink variety of drinks.

For those sweet tooth ones, beware, many hazards can follow. El Nino or La Nina will pass leaving behind diabetes and another silent bomb called the kidney stones.

When body gets dehydrated you must feed it clear water. That's what makes the body cool and wets all the internal organs.

Water is essential. The theory of 8 glasses of water no longer stands. We need at least 10-12 glasses. Not sugar cane juice, not soda, not coke but water.

Before you know what hit you, you get symptoms like severe back pain. Discoloration in urine, which later shows blood when tested and lots of other discomfort including fever.

Prevention is always better than cure.

To revive your organs especially the kidneys you should drink lots of plain water. Or fruit juice. Not all kinds of fruit juice. Not the sweet, exciting flavors.

Green apples.

That's the best friend for kidneys.

Red apples has its wonderful functions but that's not for kidneys.

Add celery, parsley, coriander leaves with green apples. Blend and drink.

Banana stem and radish are other curative vegetables to save kidneys.

Once you're diagnosed with kidney stones there is a long procedure which you need to follow.

Doctors' advise, homeopathic solutions, ayurveda, such as Himalaya cystone, plenty of luck and last but not least prayers.

Drinking lots of water after the stone forms is totally not useful.

Maintaining wet kidneys and other organs save lots of trouble and pain.

I went through this. But i was very lucky, I broke it all without laser or surgery.

Now is the time kidney stones will get you so watch your water intake. Live a healthy lifestyle.

Losses

I am not very happy.

Why? What has happened?

I think i have lost an important person?

Hmm..

And i think i have also hurt her in some ways.

I see. What did you do?

She was getting too attached to me. I didn't like that. I felt it was not too good. So i started ignoring her.

Was there any reason she was getting too close? Did you make any promises?

Yes. I did. You know it's quite common to say things in the beginning? Sweet promises which seem most right. But later..

What kind of promises?

I gave her my word that i will be there in times of pain, I'd take care of her forever and ever.

And..

I acquired other friends. Better, richer friends, with high contact. Who could do things for me. She was just a nice person. Nothing more to it. There was nothing that i was getting from her except kindness and love.

Did you tell her that these are the reasons?

Oh! No! I just ignored her and hoped she'd go away. Finally she did and i feel a little pain in my heart. That i have done her some wrong. In some ways i miss her presence, her kindness.

I'd say the best way to have handled this would have been with honesty. But you chose to play a hide and seek game. You should have told her your point of views and have a clean healthy break. No one can rectify this but you.

There's nothing i can do now. I think she's gone. It gives me a bad feeling. Like I've lost something good. She helped me in many ways. Made me better when i was hurt. Picked me up when times were bad.

Unfortunately for you i guess you decided to select friends from the materialistic point of view. Do you realize that you will age? There will be hurts and pains. You might need people who love you for real to care for you? No one stays young and strong forever. When these weaknesses set in, I guess you're going to regret your loss more.

I'm already feeling blue. It's a loss for me no matter how i look at it.

Hmmm. Materialistic issues, values aren't the most important. Good people are. But you've made your choice. Haven't you?

Yes, in a way, I have.

Then let's look at it from a more positive point of view. Perhaps your choices will not let you down. Maybe you will be on top of the world. So just carry on with life.

Yes i am a very fast forward person. I am moving ahead. Yet, there's this big feeling of guilt. She wouldn't have come my way if i had not lured her. And now she's hurt.

Well, then go make things better.

I don't think she's going to accept any peace offering from me. I have this feeling that she has disowned me from her system. I have lost her for good. She was my lady luck. A lucky charm. I know it now.

I can't do much here except hope and wish things become better for you. And hope all your new friends are good enough to make your life perfect.

Thank you for your time.

You're welcome.