dog's tail

I think you spoke too soon.

You think?

Yea, I heard him shout. At you. Then, behind you.

Behind me?

Hmmm.. He kept condemning you. He said the block in the heart was your doing? You cheated him.

What do you think?

From my observation, you are the only person coming to visit him. You are bringing him the food and fruit.

Yes. His parents are not in top form to run here and there! There's no one to help him so I came. Out of compassion. End of day, I am his family. My son is his only heir.

I heard you sponsored him to this hospital?

Yes, he's my beneficiary, so he's entitled to first class treatment in all government based hospital.

Yet he's ungrateful!

Why do you say so?

He seemed quite angry with you. Ungrateful. He was badmouthing you to all the ward staff.

That's something he does often. He seemed to believe it too. He's frustrated so he's venting it all out. I'm not bothered by it all. I just do my duty.

If I were you, I'd just leave him on his own and live my life.

Let him be the evil self. I just prefer to do what is right. It's his right to spit his frustration out. I can digest it all.

But there are people who are cursing you. Who believe you are the reason he's sick!

:) I'm not the least worried nor bothered about people's opinion. I'm quite clear on my conscience that I am doing nothing but good for him, even if he's all bad to me. It doesn't really matter what he thinks, I'm living a good, busy life. There are things I will never compromise. I will never go live with him. I will never become the sacrificial goat and so no one can ever hurt me in any way. I'm immune to a lot of things. That include people's speculations and assumptions.

Hmmm. I really hope all becomes well for you.

Don't worry. It is already well and fine. I believe no one can straighten the dog's tail. My grandma always said that. Let everyone be themselves. I will be like the wind. Free, unrestrainable, happy and unpolluted.

soul's mate

I feel anxious.

Why is that? What's wrong now?

Nothing! The anxiety just comes on its own. For no reason.

I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway. I know I have been a little harsh on you these few months.

Hmmm. I don't think it's you. Remember I had that disorder? Maybe I still have it.

Ohh! Is that possible? I thought you recovered fully.

Well, the damage is done. It's like a broken glass bowl. No matter how good a glue you use to stick it all on, the cracks will still remain. It might even leak!

Gosh! I really feel bad now for being hard on you. Turning my back from you. Refusing to help you. Minding my own business! That was totally selfish of me.

Please don't blame yourself. Though recovery is slow, I have discovered some things. Every bad thing that happens has a remedy in it. You removing yourself from my circle is a sprout to your independence. You cannot latch on to me forever. It is good that you detached yourself from me.

But I don't want to! We should always stick together. That's what family is for.

I beg to differ. We are born single! We die single! Why do we need to get attached throughout our life? I realised some time ago that there is a reason why things happen. Remember all those kids I am caring for?

Yes...

You know they're all baby birds waiting for wings to grow? The second their wings are full, I'd let them fly away. There will come a time I will be just on my own. Enjoying my personal space, my freedom.

Wouldn't that be terribly boring? I remember you as an exciting jovial person.

I guess everyone has a phase of friendship. A search for love. At one point destiny would definitely win. I understand my destiny now.

Which is?

A connection with my soulmate.

Ahah! So there is a soulmate?

Of course. The mate is right within my soul. Me! I am my soulmate. There are so many things I don't know about myself. I'm slowly unraveling myself.

You scare me, really. Are you becoming insane?

I have never been saner. When your father died, I thought that was the end for me. In truth, it was the beginning of that journey to discover that I am meant to be alone, to find myself. To attain this blissful solitude.

I guess you gave up on happiness because he died!

It's not like that. My mind, my body and my heart have detached myself from a lot of things. I no longer seek for materialistic pleasures. I can just sit alone in silence, listening to my own breathing, feeling one with my inner self.

You're really scaring me. Did you become like this because you were too heartbroken, because he left?

No! I think he left to let me discover myself. No prince charming would have remained. No children will latch on my side. Everyone will have to go their separate ways. So that I am the liberated self.

I don't really understand what you are saying but I will leave you to your decision simply because i respect it. I do feel a little guilty that perhaps my behaviour towards you have made you this way.

Please don't blame yourself. Whatever that happened, happened for the best. I am very busy now. and perhaps for the next three to five years.

Hmm, those underpriviliged kids. You feel more for them than for any of us.

Not really. These kids they're not well equipped to fend for themselves in this crazy, selfish world. I'm merely arming them with some important self defensive tactics. So that they can survive. Raising all of you was so easy as you were all smart kiddos.

As long as you don't regret what you're doing.

There's nothing to regret. This moment is well spent. Each well spent moment makes life almost perfect. Except for this anxiety attacks, life is close to perfect.

Perhaps this will help you. I found this in the cupboard. Wrapped carefully. Your favourite 'kaili'. I remember this was a great comfort for you.

Oh! That's very kind of you. It might be of some comfort. There's no harm in trying. Thank you for the kindness.

You're welcome. Please at any time if you need any one of our help, don't hesitate to call.

Of course. I'd keep that in mind. Thank you again.