Misery

Very sad this doctor, very good man
How you can give him back his life again?

He went to see God Parti. Its not a bad thing.

All think like this is phobia. Where got go and see God? You think God don't have other work?

Hmm..

Easy for you to say. All my friends have died. First it was Joe. Then my brother, lawyer Mohan. Everyone dead! I have no one now.

I wish i could help you understand these things but i can't. You will not understand.

I am feeling sad. I wish you would come and make me feel happy.

I can't make you happy. Happiness is in you. Not in my hands.

If you hold my hands, I would be happy.

I'm not willing to hold your hands. I'm sorry. In fact, I don't want to hold anyone's hands.

At least, send my son. You send him to stupid places. You don't send him to me!

You ask me to bring him to your pub. He's 13 for heaven's sake. When he wants to come to you, you're never in the house!

I don't want him to come alone. I want you to come too.

I'm sorry. I can't do that. I have lots of work to do. You can always meet us. Outside. For lunch or dinner. When we're free.

You all got all the time to go singing class, drum class, karate class but no time to come see me.

Don't you understand, you can't force people to meet. You can't force people to do anything. The more you force the more you lose.

Okay, I don't force you. Please come home.

Please is another form of forcing too. Just do your work. If you find new friends that's good. Find things you like to do. Stop being possessive. Stop being jealous.

I can't stop anything. I wish you were dead then i can be happy.  I really hate to see you so free. So happy.

That's very noble of you, Parti. My life is not in my hands nor is it in yours. You cannot decide on that. We're family. As a family member, we're here for you, if you're unwell, call us. If you're hungry and need food, we can help you. But that's all there is to it.

I don't want anything from you. Just go away.

I can't do that too. We just need to hang around. Help each other. As it is, many people we know are dead now. There's no point in antagonizing anyone.

You are very smart. You use all the difficult words to confuse me. I don't want your philosophy. I just want my family back. I made a mistake. I realize you're an awesome person to lose. Please come back.

Hmmm. I wish i can do that. The freedom i have now is too precious to give up. I never want to be trapped in a relationship anymore. It's too big a trap. Like a bird with clipped wings. I'm sorry. We can be friends always.

You must be mad to think I'm going to say yes and accept your friendship offer!

Well that's the only offer i will make. Take it or leave it. I'm going to live what's left of this life to its best. Every second of my life is important. I'm going to live it well.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything, just be a friend. We can help each other.

No point. I am leaving you soon as possible all of you. I am going to rest. You got very experinse.

Yes Parti. Find your happiness. Rest. Its important. Once Ammu goes to work she will give you lots of money too.

I'd think about it for now.

That's a good start. Bye

Jayan

It was raining outside.

A lot of people were doing a lot of things.

Suddenly, that familiar sound of the motorbike.

It has been more than twenty years. Yet, I knew immediately he had actually arrived.

I walked up and down.

Peeked out to the verandah.

That motorbike was there.

Funny, it was locked in a tight red cage.

Weird.

Almost like a tiger's cage.

But, it didn't matter. He was actually here.

I quickened my steps and ran to the kitchen.

And there he was. Wet from the rain. Head to toe.

Hair plastered to his head.

Clad in a black T-shirt. Grey slacks.

I ran to him. You're all wet! I said.

I took the edge of my top and tried wiping his face.

The water kept flowing. Like the rain was on his face.

Where did you go? All these while?

Don't you know, I've been looking for you?

That beautiful eyes looked at me. That similar smile. Twinkle in the eyes.

Ohh! I remember it so well.

He just held out his hands and i slid into his arms.

It seemed like i have finally flown back into my nest.

I turned to grab a towel.

Returned to towel him dry. He was not there.

I heard his voice. Here, there and everywhere.

I ran and ran.

Where did he go?

With a heavy heart, I looked hard around me.

He was not there.

Adjusting my eyes to the darkness around. I tried searching for the motorbike.

Neither him nor it was there.

This is now. Another time another place.

Then, I realized it was just a dream.

That silly warm feeling still lingering, I got up and decided to start my day.

Logic always won. Not a minute to be wasted on nonexistent abstraction.

Life goes on.

Jupiter and I

Jupiter moved to the 7th house in Aries.

So, what's happening now?

A lot of good things I'd say.

For everyone?

No.. No..

For the Aries' and the Virgos, Cancerians, Leos, Capris and the Sagis.

How about the Librans?

I'd say Jupiter is going reverse in their minds. Causing wreck


Oh! Currently i am too in a wreck. I hate my mother and what she's doing. She's so irritating.

Why is it so? What is it that she's doing that's irritating you so much?

She's looking after kids in the name of charity cum business. What little she gets she uses to cultivate them. My space is congested. I hate all these.

Let me look at your horoscope.

You mean you can designate this from my horoscope?

Of course. Hmm.. Jupiter sits in your fourth house. The house of your mother, thus your irritation emanates from her. Is this something new that she's doing now?

Hmm. No. She has been doing it forever. Only now i feel its beyond toleration. I hate it all.

Its quite clear Jupiter is working on you. As you're an adult there are things that you can do.

Like?

Like moving out. You can rent a place with a friend. Get married and move out.

Well finance doesn't permit that yet.

Did you stop to think that you're actually irritated about your space in her zone?

Well... Come to think of it yes!

Anyway i will talk to her about this.

Please don't say i confessed all these to you.

My dear child, confrontation cannot be done in secrecy. If I'm confronting it has to be with honesty.

Oh, alright.

                                      ******

Vanakkam. Did you speak to her?

Yes.

And?

She said that what she's doing now is an important thing. Important in the sense that it gives her lots of satisfaction.

Hmm. Her satisfaction is more important than my mental peace?

My dear, you have to find your mental peace yourself in your way.

But she's my mother and its her responsibility.

Ah! No! After 21 your life is your responsibility. No one else's. She's done with all these. Now she's entitled to do what she likes.

Did she say that?

She said when any of her kids react adversely, its just a warning for her to step back and let her move on. She has to live her life. Many years have been wasted with illness, tragedy and pain. She feels that its time for her to live her life her way.

Hmm. Alright. I'd think about it.

Remember your policy. Never to harm anyone nor with words or action. Especially a mother. Hurting her is very negative to a child's growth.

Okay. I'd keep that in mind. Thank you for your advise.

You're welcome. March on. You have all my blessings.

Thank you.