"Are you crazy!"
Often these words ring through my ears at different modes, different times by different people.
"Is she crazy?" She is crazy. Options heard too. This includes friends, relatives, 'friends' and foes.
Me being kind to many is craziness to some. Me being extraordinarily patient is lunacy to many.
Of course, being treated for depressive disorders didn't help the title! It further enhanced.my position. ;)
Attempting the steps of Bharatham at the age of 49 is the craziest thing for some.
Opting out and grabbing the bull by its horns is another crazy stunt.
Continuing karate classes is another crazy stint. For many it is.
For me, it's completion of incomplete. Fulfilling the unfulfilled. Filling up time to its best so that the devils don't do the tango in the idle mind.
I'm that occupied that my mind doesn't have the time to even let the devil in, let alone do the tango or the rumba or the salsa.
The sole motive for all the activities is walking towards peace. It isn't a walk towards immortality. I'm happy to be a mortal and look forward to leaving. Till then.. Let not a single second be wasted.
How it came to this?
Only conclusion i can come to is people and their many antiques, tantras and tantrics.
Some scared me to my roots, some shocked me to my toenails and last but not least are those who deceived and mistreated me in every way possible.
This left me bereft and tired. A sense of surrender and give up filled me.
Initially I was just being rebellious. I wanted to dare the devil.
Karate has been an ongoing sport for me. I started learning it when I was 16. After various interruptions with pregnancies and deliveries, then disruptions with an intertrochanteric multi communal fracture I did not think too much of it initially.
But the fact that i kept my 'gi' the uniform forever and never threw it away proved that perhaps this sport is part of my development.
It was not easy though, going back to training. After four kids, hip injury, asthma and two episodes of frozen shoulders training proved to be tricky, painful, tough and disheartening.
Not being able to remember, recall the 'qatas' was awful too.
I started from scratch. Wearing my old gi i entered the 'dojo' with many misconceptions and doubts. The gi adorned always gave me some inner push.
As we start the class and sit down with eyes closed and shihan says 'zep' a spirit enters us the martial artists and it remains as strength, power and stamina throughout the training. towards the end we sit again and say thank you in silence for that presence.
I trained continuously for several months from my final brown belt to the probationary black belt. in my entire life i really don't remember wanting or thinking of giving up on anything. But here not once or twice but many a times I thought I've had enough. It was the most difficult thing to do.
Finally, when I received my black belt, i heaved a sigh of relief. Yet I know this is not the end.There is still a long way to go. I have signed up for refereeing. I am the coach for my academy. Sometimes I'm also the manager.
Recently, I went for a tournament. I checked out with the organisers why there weren't veteran categories for women qata or kumite. There were categories for veteran men. One man from Iran was a coach, referee, qata competitor and kumite fighter.
I wanted to do all that too!
The organisers promised to sort out something in the next tournament.
Till then I'm practicing a healthy diet, a sane training and good discipline.
By sane training, I mean weekly karate training, alternated with two days of gym. My Shihan often chids me for being Jack of many trades and Master of none! He gets upset that I'm not jumping the gun and grabbing the opportunity to become a referee ASAP!
I can never do that. I don't want to drown in just one activity vigorously, forever. I need diversion.
Just like when I eat I tend to take small portions of various items, the more the merrier. The same applies to my activities.
I attend Bharatham classes. That's another back breaking activity. I run to my Latin dance classes. That's nothing but sheer, heavenly fun. I run and play netball with my students. When opportunity comes, I travel to the east coast to sing songs with my cousin in his shows.
Life just needs to be colourful with these activities. As these are all that I have.
I am not living recklessly though. Even if the sky is now the limit and opportunities zoom to infinities. I'm just having clean, clear fun.
Variety is the word. Same goes for people. I meet many people on short term basis. Less hassle, less trouble. I don't intend to mingle long enough to tangle and mess up.
I have come to the peak of everything and I'm ready to leave whenever that's destined to be.
Quey Sera Sera! Whatever will be, will be!
I AM THE BLACK BELT WHO WAS ONCE A WHITE BELT WHO REFUSED TO GIVE UP!!
Often these words ring through my ears at different modes, different times by different people.
"Is she crazy?" She is crazy. Options heard too. This includes friends, relatives, 'friends' and foes.
Me being kind to many is craziness to some. Me being extraordinarily patient is lunacy to many.
Of course, being treated for depressive disorders didn't help the title! It further enhanced.my position. ;)
Attempting the steps of Bharatham at the age of 49 is the craziest thing for some.
Opting out and grabbing the bull by its horns is another crazy stunt.
Continuing karate classes is another crazy stint. For many it is.
For me, it's completion of incomplete. Fulfilling the unfulfilled. Filling up time to its best so that the devils don't do the tango in the idle mind.
I'm that occupied that my mind doesn't have the time to even let the devil in, let alone do the tango or the rumba or the salsa.
The sole motive for all the activities is walking towards peace. It isn't a walk towards immortality. I'm happy to be a mortal and look forward to leaving. Till then.. Let not a single second be wasted.
How it came to this?
Only conclusion i can come to is people and their many antiques, tantras and tantrics.
Some scared me to my roots, some shocked me to my toenails and last but not least are those who deceived and mistreated me in every way possible.
This left me bereft and tired. A sense of surrender and give up filled me.
Initially I was just being rebellious. I wanted to dare the devil.
Karate has been an ongoing sport for me. I started learning it when I was 16. After various interruptions with pregnancies and deliveries, then disruptions with an intertrochanteric multi communal fracture I did not think too much of it initially.
But the fact that i kept my 'gi' the uniform forever and never threw it away proved that perhaps this sport is part of my development.
It was not easy though, going back to training. After four kids, hip injury, asthma and two episodes of frozen shoulders training proved to be tricky, painful, tough and disheartening.
Not being able to remember, recall the 'qatas' was awful too.
I started from scratch. Wearing my old gi i entered the 'dojo' with many misconceptions and doubts. The gi adorned always gave me some inner push.
As we start the class and sit down with eyes closed and shihan says 'zep' a spirit enters us the martial artists and it remains as strength, power and stamina throughout the training. towards the end we sit again and say thank you in silence for that presence.
I trained continuously for several months from my final brown belt to the probationary black belt. in my entire life i really don't remember wanting or thinking of giving up on anything. But here not once or twice but many a times I thought I've had enough. It was the most difficult thing to do.
Finally, when I received my black belt, i heaved a sigh of relief. Yet I know this is not the end.There is still a long way to go. I have signed up for refereeing. I am the coach for my academy. Sometimes I'm also the manager.
Recently, I went for a tournament. I checked out with the organisers why there weren't veteran categories for women qata or kumite. There were categories for veteran men. One man from Iran was a coach, referee, qata competitor and kumite fighter.
I wanted to do all that too!
The organisers promised to sort out something in the next tournament.
Till then I'm practicing a healthy diet, a sane training and good discipline.
By sane training, I mean weekly karate training, alternated with two days of gym. My Shihan often chids me for being Jack of many trades and Master of none! He gets upset that I'm not jumping the gun and grabbing the opportunity to become a referee ASAP!
I can never do that. I don't want to drown in just one activity vigorously, forever. I need diversion.
Just like when I eat I tend to take small portions of various items, the more the merrier. The same applies to my activities.
I attend Bharatham classes. That's another back breaking activity. I run to my Latin dance classes. That's nothing but sheer, heavenly fun. I run and play netball with my students. When opportunity comes, I travel to the east coast to sing songs with my cousin in his shows.
Life just needs to be colourful with these activities. As these are all that I have.
I am not living recklessly though. Even if the sky is now the limit and opportunities zoom to infinities. I'm just having clean, clear fun.
Variety is the word. Same goes for people. I meet many people on short term basis. Less hassle, less trouble. I don't intend to mingle long enough to tangle and mess up.
I have come to the peak of everything and I'm ready to leave whenever that's destined to be.
Quey Sera Sera! Whatever will be, will be!
I AM THE BLACK BELT WHO WAS ONCE A WHITE BELT WHO REFUSED TO GIVE UP!!